We roll into Week 15 with teams still vying for a playoff position, home-field advantage, or possibly even the number one draft pick. The division leaders are still trying to solidify their spots, while a couple of teams are still too close for comfort. An interesting position in the NFC East as the final games are a rotation of the 4 teams playing each other, and ultimately deciding at least 1 playoff spot. The NFC North and NFC South are all but decided, with the Packers and Buccaneers being the respective leaders in those divisions. We turn over now to welcome our featured visitor, J Jonah Jameson. He has been the head honcho over at the Daily Bugle for as long as anyone can remember, and can be heard on his podcast, frequently mentioning his love for football. When he’s not posting pictures or slinging accusations at renowned NY superhero Spider-Man, he also enjoys golf and rubbing elbows with society’s elite. Dr. Mitch and Rick cannot wait to hear what this journalistic legend has to say!
DR. MITCHELL POWERS
Mr. Jameson is a man of many opinions. He may not think we’re “big time” enough for his taste, what with having his own news organization, but I beg to differ. Rick and I dedicate ourselves week in and week out to the art and science of making accurate picks. Just this past week alone we managed a 75% hit rate, which is about as good (if not better) than any reasonable sports better can hope to achieve in a lifetime of betting. So by that logic, I deem it a privilege for Mr. Jameson to be working with us, not the other way around. And if Mr. Jameson would like to fight me on that point, well… let’s just say I’ve got some friends I could call… provided that Bill is still keeping my contacts list together. Shoot… I should really check on that before making veiled threats…
RICK DANGER
Welcome back to another great week here, I can already tell that we are in for a good time today. Had the, um, pleasure I guess, of talking with JJ and he really is something else. He starts talking about the people he’s met, and then jumps into a story about Spider-Man and some dude who wears a fishbowl, and then proceeds to tell me my writing is shoddy at best. I’m not one for punching people across the face, I leave it to the professionals, but I won’t lie and say my fist wasn’t ready. He’s got poor Bill running around like a man possessed, that’s OUR intern, we tell him what to do, not JJ. It’s fine, maybe we will give Bill another week off, unpaid of course. We aren’t made of money here.
J. JONAH JAMESON (OUR SPECIAL GUEST)
J Jonah Jameson here, and I’ll tell you what, I’m excited to be in this dump. Listen, I’ve surrounded myself with some real talent in my day, and unfortunately, it’s not here. First off, this kid they got helping me, ummm Brad’s his name. Or Bert…maybe Bob, who cares, well this kid stinks, HE STINKS. Doesn’t know what cigars I like. Doesn’t know about that sushi spot on West 59th, I mean, the only thing more worthless is that lunatic we have in NYC who parades around in spandex pretending to be a superhero! You know what, let me do everyone a favor here.
“Hey you, Bernard!”
“It’s Bill.”
“Doesn’t matter, you’re fired.”
“I don’t even work for y..”
“FIRED. OUT! This is America sonny, and I fire whoever I damn well please!”
Ha, wish Parker was here to take a picture of that sorry sacks face. Now, where’s my coffee.
RICK’S PICKS
New England Patriots @ Indianapolis Colts – Dec 18th 8:20PM ET
This used to be the matchup of the week anytime these two teams faced as you knew Brady vs. Manning was going to be a high-scoring affair. The teams may look different, but the stakes are the same as they both are trying to hold onto their spots in the playoff race. I’m starting to see the Carson Wentz of old, and that could spell trouble for the Patriots. Both teams are coming off a win, and need to keep that trajectory going as the season winds down. Mac Jones did not have to do much in one of the windiest games of all-time, so let’s see how he does this week in much more stable conditions. My gut is telling me Patriots, but I could also be hungry, so let’s go with Ginger Jesus and the Colts.
PICK: COLTS
Arizona Cardinals @ Detroit Lions – Dec 19th 1:00PM ET
If the Cardinals do anything besides win, and win by a lot, then this will be the shock of the season.
PICK: CARDINALS
POWERS’ PREDICTIONS
Houston Texans @ Jacksonville Jaguars – Dec 19th 1:00PM ET
If the Cardinals game is set to be the safest win of the season, then this game is set to be the biggest dumpster fire. We’re talking about TWO 2-11 teams here, people. TWO of them. And here’s the deal: this game won’t be fun to watch even from the so-bad-it’s-good category, like how the Cardinals will likely destroy whatever is left of the Lions’ dignity. This game will be just plain bad. So the only winner here is mediocrity itself. The type of bad that’s just bad, not even an enjoyable bad. I predict at least 20 penalties in this game.
PICK: MEDIOCRITY
Green Bay Packers @ Baltimore Ravens – Dec 19th 4:25PM ET
If Aaron Rodgers has been talking with Joe Rogan on how to handle this toe injury of his, then my bet is that he either doesn’t play on Sunday, or plays poorly. And with Baltimore set to have Lamar Jackson in the lineup, I think the Ravens take a big bird shit all over the Packers this week. And yes, I’m biased on this one. Continued losses for Aaron Rodgers (active for the game or not) are simply too delicious of icing on the Karma cake.
PICK: RAVENS
THE GUEST GUESS
Dallas Cowboys @ New York Giants – Dec 19th 1:00PM ET
The Cowboys, the so-called ‘America’s team’, well as ‘America’s editor-in-chief’, I think they are the right call for this Sunday’s game. Let’s be honest folks, everything in NYC is garbage, so their teams must be too, and this is coming from a New Yorker. It’s like I tell my staff at the Bugle, I didn’t become an award-winning writer, mayoral candidate, and guest judge at the Miss Universe pageant because I’m a loser, no, it’s because I’m a **THWIP**…
“Hmphm! HMPHM!”
“What was that JJ, you’re a loser? Save it for your next book. Hey gang, it’s your friendly neighborhood Spider-Man talking, and I’m here to save you from the blowhard-in-chief behind me. I say, take the Giants, never bet against New York. Well, I got to run before the big red kettle behind me blows his lid. Have to stop and meet this little boy named Rick Danger first, he’s been sending me letters and is pretty much the majority of my fan-club. I wonder if he likes action figures? Catch ya later web-heads, oh and JJ, switch to decaf!”
PICK: GIANTS
LAST WEEK
RICKS PICKS: 2 – 1
POWERS PREDICTIONS: 1 – 1
GUEST GUESS: N/A
OVERALL
RICKS PICKS: 17 – 9
POWERS PREDICTIONS: 14 – 11
GUEST GUESS: 6 – 6
**DISCLAIMER** Like a conservative talkshow, the opinions and views here are a joke.