Hello from the City of Brotherly Love, where they throw batteries at Santa! Our Elevation episode this week is from Philadelphia, and Eddie Kingston and Paul Wight are there to start off but Tony Schiavone is not. I only expect chaos from this.
Notorious Mimi vs Penelope Ford w/The Bunny: We’re less than 90 seconds into the show, and Paul Wight has broken kayfabe to ask if Penelope’s wrestling as a babyface tonight. Eddie Kingston has shouted “NO RULES!” The Wrestling Angel takes on Penelope Ford, and while she gets some blows landed, Mimi submits to the Muta Lock.
Adrien Soriano & Matthew Omen vs Santana & Ortiz: Schiavone has returned to the booth, and both of them call Tony “Dad” and honestly, I love all of AEW’s dad content. Our jobbers for the evening brought a manager, maybe in hope of getting a contract, but they’re not going to need it. Proud and Powerful picks up the quick win in less time than it took me to write this paragraph.
Lee Moriarty & LSG vs FTR w/Wardlow: Lee Moriarty makes his first appearance post-contract signing teaming with LSG against FTR. We get some good fun mat work on this, and LSG even gets a pin on FTR while referee Paul Turned is distracted. Cash is able to kick out once the referee’s attention is regained, however. FTR nearly get a tag combo off on Lee, but he’s able to reverse it! Unfortunately, FTR is able to overcome the rookie and Lee’s pinned after the brainbuster.
Dani Mo vs Tay Conti w/Anna Jay: Mark Henry jumps onto commentary while Penneylvania local Dani Mo takes on Tay Conti, and Tay gets a quick an easy win.
Joey Janela w/Kayla Rossi vs Crowbar: Joey Janela comes out before the match to say that Philly isn’t the tough place it used to be that birthed extreme wrestling, and scores the cheapest heat in the universe by praising Ben Simmons for wanting to leave Philadelphia. Joey says he’s never going to do another hardcore match in AEW, but then….Crowbar comes out. He rushes to the ring, and in doing so becomes the first performer to have appeared in WWE, WCW, ECW, TNA, and AEW. That is a lot of letters. After a little brawling, Joey tries to leave the ring but the Blue Meanie emerges to corral Joey and force him back to the ring. The match spills on, and Kayla Rossi is able to get in a sweet hurricanrana while the referee is distracted. Crowbar’s able to sneak a chair-assisted Northern Lights Suplex, but Joey is able to squeak out the victory in the end. After the match, Sonny Kiss rushes the ring but Joey and Kayla are able to take Sonny out and leave the ring.
Emi Sakura w/Lulu Pencil vs Ruby Soho: Emi Sakura and Ruby Soho? Is it my birthday? Wait, yes, it was on Monday. This is a real fun match, with some nice back and forth action. At one point Ruby’s laid out on the canvas and Lulu tries to attack her and it’s the funniest ineffectual thing. Ruby’s able to escape with the win here, narrowly escaping several near falls from Emi.
Crowbar and the Blue Meanie have a statement thanking AEW for the opportunity, especially to perform in Philly. It’s very sweet and from the heart.
The Butcher, The Blade & Private Party w/The Bunny vs Lee Johnson, Brock Anderson, Chuck Taylor & Wheeler Yuta: The Nightmare Family and Best Friends? I’m not sure how to feel about this pairing. I like a lot of the pieces here, and there’s fun spots. Matt Hardy isn’t even here, and it’s all fought without a lot of distractions. I’m into it. The HFO gets the win here to close out Elevation.
On Tuesday, we have ended up with…a rather petite sized episode of Dark, only 22 minutes from Orlando this week.
Andrew Lockhart vs “The Captain” Shawn Dean: Shawn Dean, not jobbing? He’s able to get a quick win here in a good show against Lockhart.
Ashley D’Amboise vs Kilynn King: Hey, Ashley D’Amboise, welcome to the ten-timers club on Dark! Pick up your gift basket and your loss via a Kingdom Falls at the door.
Darian Bengston vs Wardlow: Darien Bengston: Great look, I’m sorry for your soul which Wardlow has separated from your body. During the match, they discuss how Darby Allin was recently attacked by masked assailants. One of which hit a F10 on Darby remarkably similar to the one Wardlow just hit on Darian. Just coincidence, we’re sure.
Anthony Greene vs Evil Uno: Anthony Greene (from Dangertown) has a great mustache, but he’s going against the masked maestro of the Dark Order. Well, okay, the Dark Order is democratic now. Green’s able to get some good offense in, but a crossbody dive gets evaded by Evil Uno and hits Something Evil for the pin.
Tangent of the night: Taz claimed that Mickey Mouse went over from Disneyworld to Universal Studios just to stunt on Team Taz in orange and black gear. Sadly Taz cannot provide proof.
Well, uh, that wasn’t a lot this week! But hey, we’ve got more Youtube content this week. It’s technically not Dark, but you know, watch freaking Bryan Danielson and Minoru Suzuki. It’s my match of the week. Hell, it’s my match of the month. And this month’s already had Jon Moxley fight Nick Gage. If you haven’t watched that, it’s technically a Rampage match so it’s outside the purview of this column but you should definitely put that in your eyeballs.