Hey, everyone, it’s time for more Dark Dork Review. Welcome to Elevation, where we welcome our new champion Adam Page, and to start off our first match that AEW put out in the Hangman era, we have…
Gunn Club vs Nasty Russ, T-Money, and Shawn Cook: OH COME ON. They even have a Gunn-defeated sign they took out to the ring. They’re just working me now. Billy Ass and the Ass Boys are in competition against some local talent in trios action, and unfortunately, they continue to win. I wish Darby Allin the best in his competition against Billy, if only to make someone with the last name of Gunn taste defeat.
Nyla Rose, THe Bunny, and Emi Sakura w/ Vickie Guerrero, Lulu Pencil, and Mei Surgua vs Riho, Ryo Mizunami, and Syke Blue: Wow that’s a long introduction. The Bunny tags into the Killer Queens trio this week, and Skyle Blue returns to Elevation. We get a very fun moment where Ryo and Skye lock up Emi’s arms and Riho gets on Emi’s back to pose. Emi returns the favor by posing with Emi and Lulu after crashing into Riho in the corner. Skye Blue attempts to get Nyla in a hurricanrana, but ends up a victim of the Beast Bomb after Nyla catches her. Whoops.
Hardy Family Office vs Dark Order: With the Butcher out on tour right now, the Blade is teaming with Isiah Kassidy and Matt Hardy against Evil Uno, Stu Grayson, and Alan Angels this week. Mark Henry and the rest of the booth have fun calling out Matt Hardy for being a carny POS, and well…at one point Stu Grayson is in the corner and Hardy yells something. Tony says that he yelled “Stomp him out,” but I have ears. I know what I heard, and what I heard was “pound that ass.” Isiah Kassidy ends up getting the win here with a quick rollup pin of Alan Angels.
Andrade el Idolo w/ Jose vs Lord Crewe: Paul Wight does some armchair psychology here with regards to Andrade’s mask. Lord Crewe, who has a background in bare knuckle fighting, is making his AEW debut. Crewe makes the mistake of turning his back on Andrade, and gets a big boot to the face for his trouble, then gets the pin from El Idolo.
Ruby Soho w/ Billy Roc vs Charlie Kruel: The hometown hero this week, Ruby gets a big cheer from the crowd when she comes in with her original trainer. She gets a solid win off a stepup kick, and has a great hug with Billy Roc.
John Silver vs QT Marshall: The meat man’s in action tonight, and in rarity, QT Marshall does not have any goons with him. As the match starts, QT rolls out of the ring and grabs a mic. He insists that he doesn’t care if Johnny’s hungry, but he demands respect. His reward for that is a chorus of “QT Sucks” chants. Johnny Hungee wins off of the Spin Doctor slam, and everyone’s happy. Sorry, QT, but it’s true.
Dark starts off this week with some Team Taz action from Milwaukee, recorded the night before Full Gear.
Powerhouse Hobbs w/ Hook vs Jaysin Strife: Jayin Strife is claimed to be another victim of Powerhouse Hobbs, and the neon-green-wearing wrestler gets a nice chant of “Hobbs is going to kill you.” So nice the crowd is into it. Hobbs lays out Strife over one of the top ring posts and works Jaysin over before crashing him into another ring post and hitting him with a spinebuster. He lifts Strife off before the last count, and gets the win off the torture rack.
Anrdade el Idolo vs Jah-C: Andrade gets in action against Jah-C, better known as Frontman JAH in indie circuits, and Andrade gets a very quick win off a big kick that transitions into a submission.
Shawn Spears & Wardlow vs Renny D and Arik Cannon:Mark Henry joins the booth for this match, and the Pinnacle’s enforcers go up against Renny D and Arik Cannon, the latter of whom was actually a trainer for Top Flight! Shawn Spears gets a little ticked at Renny D and goes for the chair, but Wardlow, his accountabilibuddy, takes it away from him. Wardlow gets tagged in and takes a commanding performance and powerbombs Renny D into oblivion with a threepeat. Arik Cannon runs in and gets powerbombed for his trouble. Wardlow gives Renny D another powerbomb, and pins Renny. After the bell, Shawn Spears gives Renny D a helping of C4 and tries to hype Wardlow.
Ruby Soho vs Hyan: As Ruby makes her way into the ring, Excalibur mocks Taz’s impromptu karaoke sessions during Ruby’s entrances. She gets a quick win over Hyan with the No Future kick here.
Too Fast Too Fuego vs Kit Sackett & Brandon Gore: I want to thank Tony Khan, the wrestling gods, and the Sun for providing us with this tag team continuing to appear. We again get commentary on the weird bruising on his neck. Brandon Gore tries to tear at Fuego Dos’ mask, but Aubrey correctly prompts him to stop. Fuego Del Sol lands the Tornado DDT, and our favorite tag team gets their third win in three tries!
Alan 5 Angels & Colt Cabana vs The Acclaimed: Taz insists that Anna Jay needs to get out from the Dark Order, and the Acclaimed dumps on Prince for the cheapest heat in the history of wrestling. Apparently, Max Caster didn’t know who Prince was, according to Ricky Starks? Truly chilling. This is a fun tag match and the Dark Order gets their hits in, but a cheap shot from the boom box gets the Acclaimed the win.
Riho, Kris Statlander, and Ryo Mizunami vs Nyla Rose, the Bunny, and Emi Sakura: Before the bell even rings on this one, a brawl breaks out, which takes several minutes before it can even start. Once it does, we settle into another fun trios match. Our faces get the win here, with Kris Statlander getting the win off the Big Bang Theory on Emi Sakura.
JD Drake, Ryan Nemeth, Aaron Solo, and Nick Comoroto w/ QT Marshall vs Lee Johnson, Brock Anderson w/ Arn Anderson & Varsity Blondes: We get a fun mix of some of the lower card here, but the real interesting thing I want to see here is Arn Anderson unloading on QT Marshall. And we get that! We get a big fun mess of a tag match, and towards the end, QT Marshall tried to bully Julia Hart and Arn Anderson mimicked pulling a gun on him. While QT was distracted, Julia slapped him. Our boys from the Nightmare Family and Varsity Blondes win off a big frog splash.
John Silver vs Pretty Peter Avalon: John Silver? Peter Avalon? What is this, January 2021? Sadly, we do not get the Sensual Sledge’s return, but Peter Avalon is back on Dark after a long absence. Avalon makes a strong showing here, and despite Taz’s best wishes for Silver to lose as karmic retribution for his bad flight habits, he wins off of the Spin Doctor.
Sonny Kiss vs Adam Grace: The Concrete Rose returns to action against Wisconsonite Adam Grace, and Adam Grace demands the crowd cheer from him while he has Sonny in a headlock. The crowd does not oblige, and gets the win off of a stunner while doing the splits! She poses over Grace while Aubrey counts it out.
Pres10 Vance vs Mikey Wild: Taz on commentary says that 10’s biggest weakness is his loyalty to the Dark Order. I’d disagree, considering that what makes him endearing, and his problem is comical amounts of cocaine. But that’s neither here or there, and 10 gets the win over Mikey Wild with the full nelson.
Scorpio Sky w/ Ethan Page vs Craven Knyte: Local Minnesotan Craven Knyte takes on half of the Men of the Year while his other half takes a seat at the booth. I missed my horrible fashion husbands on Dark. Taz and Ethan Page have a little love fest complementing each other, while Scorpio gets to work and gets the quick win. While talking about their friendship, Ethan Page reveals that as a true bonding experience, they wax each other’s eyebrows. Alright? Love this.
That’s all we have this week, for the fallout from Full Gear. Until next time, we’ll be checking in from Virginia!