The GC616 logo flashes across the screen and fades to reveal journo
Reagan: Good evening and welcome to GC616, tonight we begin our broadcast with a developing story. Our sources are telling us that Moljnir, the enchanted hammer that belongs to Thor, the king of Asgard and god of thunder, has gone missing and is presumed to have been stolen. As previously stated, this story is still developing. As we wait on further news regarding this incident let’s move on with the broadcast, beginning with a report from Journo.
The camera cuts to The Peak, SWORD Station One, in geosynchronous orbit above the mutant nation of Krakoa. Unlike previous broadcasts from the station which were conducted from the information hub of Journo, Agent of SWORD, today’s broadcast is live from a mess hall somewhere on the station. Banners adorn the walls, some peeling off, balloons float aimlessly around the room, and empty red cups litter the tables.
At one of these tables, a figure is sat, who the camera drone moves in on, revealing a very hungover Journo with his head laying on the cold steel of the table. A smoldering cup of coffee is within arms reach but when the drone buzzes to alert Journo he’s on-air, he reaches out violently, sending the coffee flying across the room.
Journo: COFFEE NO!
His hands grab his head, the shouting obviously too much for this delicate mutant in the middle of the worst hangover of his life.
Journo: Ow… Right, no shouting, too much pain. Need some aspirin… Oh !*#& I’m live? Umm hey folks, it’s gonna be a short update from me. As you can see we’re still working on getting back to full operating capacity after the Dormammu situation, and more importantly still recovering from the victory party.
Things are pretty quiet at the moment, thankfully, don’t think I’d survive if they were anything else. The only big thing that’s happened is Storm kicked a bunch of butts in the process of further asserting herself as the Regent of Mars. Pretty badass stuff if you ask me. She’s gonna be fine dealing with all this Arrako business.
Anyway, that’s me done for the day, I’m going to be- Oh there’s Wiz-Kid!
Journo dashes off, but before the camera cuts back to the studio, we hear him call out to Wiz-Kid, asking if there’s any Krakoan medicine that instantly cures a hangover.
Reagan: Thanks Journo! If you can’t find anything Krakoa that’ll help I’m sure I can figure something out. Now let’s check in with Chad.
The new acoustic cover of the “Checkin’ in with Chad”’ theme plays as the sizzle roll of fall themed clips accompanies it. Chad posed a question about the Green Goblin last week that is answered in one of the clips today. Chad sits next to the Green Goblin sporting a purple cardigan as they take a hay ride while drinking their PSLs on the way to pick out a pumpkin. The clips end as the audience sees Chad sitting at the Green Lagoon on Krakoa.
Chad: Hey Chadlians! Bet you’ve got questions and for once, I’ve got answers. So I’m clearly back on Krakoa, my friend Tabitha got me back on. Things didn’t work out but we’re staying friends because we are killer pong partners. So that answers question 1. Question 2 though is, why did I have a fall day with Green Goblin? Well that answers a little bit longer to explain…
So remember the whole Kindred thing? Turns out Kindred, the human centipede, was actually 2 clone robot things. Typically a human centipede is 3 people but that’s another conversation altogether. Well Spider-Man beat them after being saved by Mary Jane, his smokeshow talented girlfriend. But Harry Osborn died but he was a clone and other Harry was always dead. I don’t know, I don’t really care. It’s behind us now, it’s thankfully over and we never have to speak about it after this report. With all these revelations came another one that Green Goblin didn’t kill Gwen Stacy. Well wait technically he did but it was Harry and not Norman in the Green Goblin costume.
Anyway, Norman was bummed he was a piece of shit and his son died or whatever so we had a nice day out to take his mind off of it. Turns out that he indeed loves pumpkins. It was a nice day…
Chad finishes a pumpkin beer that the bartender Fred got him.
Chad: I actually came out here to watch the football game with my new buddy Logan. But before I got here some horny dude named Solem swept him away on some adventure for swords. These X-Men love swords. They had some big thing where they had ten of them. Well everything worked out for Logan though because now he has two super swords. I gotta go though because tensions here are sorta high with some disco inferno thing going on. Anyway, back to you Re-reag.
Reagan: Thanks Chad! Now let’s see what X-52 is up to.
X-52 blusters into the studio, still wearing their GC616 blazer over their green-and-silver robot form. They are carrying a BRAND NEW TV tray! After they BOOT away the old, broken one, they set down the new one triumphantly. After stealing an empty anchor chair from next to Reagan, they sit and regard the cameras, stoically.
X-52: MAGIC! Is it real? Or is it bullshit? This robot can’t say for sure, but surely something wicked this way comes. At least that’s what my parapsychological energy detecting sensors have been screaming at me for the last three days.
Following the trail of wild isotopes, this mechanized reporter came across the sight of known Mutant “Pretender” Wanda Maximoff squaring off with Latverian nationals, Victorious and Victor Von Doom, PHD.
They extend their palm outward and upward on the table and a perfect hard-light holo-picture of the tableau graphs into the air.
X-52: They were yelling about some book, or something? The Darkcomb? Or…Darkfrome? I don’t know I couldn’t get that close. But pretty soon afterward, a bunch of different Avengers showed up, including Tony Stark showed up so, obviously, I left. That guy is like…way weird around robots so I try not to be, like, in his orbit. Like, AT ALL. Plus he smells like Drakkor Noir. It makes my occulating visual orbs leak.
So they all got weird and some more flim-flam crap happened and then the book, like, disappeared I think? I will try to find out some more later. Ya know, when I…care to. BYE FOR NOW, FLESHIES!
The camera cuts back to Reagan in the studio.
Reagan: Thanks X-52, let’s go see what Cass has for us today.
The camera cuts into handheld footage of Cass hiding in some bushes that seem to be growing some bagels.
Cass (speaking to themself): I just wanted to take some time off but of course that was never going to happen, such is my luck I guess… oh wait…
Cass start to inspect the camera where they are recording and realizes the GC616 studio has picked up their transition
Cass: Hello there! I’m Cass, the guys at GC52 gave me your contact in case I stumbled onto something interesting while on vacation in this dimension, of course that wasn’t my plan… but here we are. I thought visiting the mutant island of Krakoa would be fun, but apparently things are getting hot in here, in more ways than one.
So, from what I could gather in my small time here the anti-mutant organization Orchis has created the ultimate mutant killing weapon, a robot called Nimrod, and the leaders of Krakoa aren’t happy about it. The mutants have attempted to destroy this weapon many times but haven’t been successful… at all. I know all this because I got extremely lost on the island and ended up in this secret looking place where two big shots called Professor X and Magneto got into an intense argument with this mysterious lady called Moira (who seems to be like a really big deal). They were discussing how their little project (you know a nation of mutants) is facing some problems.
There is the mutant killing super robot, but there is also some internal drama (I really love gossip, no matter the multiverse). So here is the short version, Moira had a bad run in with a mutant fortune teller called Destiny, and she thinks that she would ruin all her plans so she has prohibit the other two guys from resurrecting her, the problem is that there is this other bigshot called Mystic who is also… wait for it… Destiny’s wife, and she really wanted her back.
Now the big development is… she got what she wanted, Destiny is back. I might be new here but it seems like shits is about to go down, like an inferno approaching in the horrison. Anyway I think I will stick around just to see how things develop.
Cass grabs a bagel, gives it a bite, and turns off their camera.
Reagan: Thanks Cass! Now on to Katie with some news about Felicia Hardy, a.k.a Black Cat.
The camera cuts over to Katie, wearing a shirt with a black cat on it. Her actual black cat, Felicia, sports a matching white shirt with a tiny cat image on Felicia’s tiny cat chest.
Katie: Hello, all! I’m reporting on the fiendish flights of the Black Cat this week. After she outsmarted Nick Fury a few weeks back, I’ve been a #BlackCat fan! Yeah, she may have stolen some huge package connected to the Infinity Stones or something…but she literally fought and escaped the S.H.I.E.L.D. leader in mid-air. Felicia and I are definitely fans. Look at our shirts!
She snaps her fingers and Felicia stands up on the desk to show off her attire.
Katie: I know I’m not supposed to be biased because of journalistic integrity or what have you…but my girl evaded capture from Fury and his helicopter shenanigans again yesterday! She’s a cat who always lands on her feet, that’s for sure.
The Black Cat’s been seen around different areas lately seemingly recruiting a few less-than-popular super powered individuals. Cat-eye-witnesses reported seeing her with a blue-clad man believed to be a child kidnapper named Quantum. Following this odd encounter, Felicia was spotted swinging through the city like a certain web-headed superhero. Her ties were literally cut when a looming man dressed like a hawk successfully hunted Black Cat down. He’s eerie like the night. He obviously has a hawk obsession. I think it’s safe to assume this dude is called Nighthawk.
Felicia hears the word “hawk” and jumps up. Realizing no birds are in sight, she models her shirt for the camera again while standing on two hind legs.
Katie: Sorry, no hawks here, Felicia! Look how good you are at standing! We should call you “Nightcat!” Anyway, Black Cat and this Nighthawk guy engaged in a disagreement of sorts. I wish everyone had hearing as good as a cat’s so I wouldn’t have to guess what people are talking about! This is when Nick Fury came in guns blazing, firing rubber bullets at the two. He has a ridiculous vendetta against Black Cat since he started collecting all those Infinity Stones. I heard he was brainwashed though, but that’s a lot to unpack and we’re running out of time.
A rival Stinger Missile helicopter swooped in and saved the day, but I’d like to believe that the Black Cat would’ve found a way out of the cat’s cradle. The Black Cat and Fury’s dispute remains ongoing. I would suggest staying inside until this giant-sized issue gets resolved. I’d be so sad to see Black Cat leave town though…Back to you!
The camera cuts back to Reagan.
Reagan: Thanks Katy! And with that we’ve come to the end of our broadcast, we’ll see you next week!
The GC616 logo flashes on the screen as the feed cuts to the next program.