The GC616 logo flashes across the screen and fades to reveal Reagan seated at the desk, ready to go for the broadcast.
Reagan: Hello and welcome to GC616, our first story concerns reports of a scuffle between X-Men and the High Evolutionary in Da Nang, Vietnam. After a bit of difficulty, the X-Men ended up coming up on top with the High Evolutionary leaving Earth behind.
Now to our biggest story today, which comes to us from Journo. Journo?
The camera cuts to the information hub, Journo, Agent of S.W.O.R.D has been using to get updates on the developing Dormammu situation comes into view as the camera cuts. Unlike previous broadcasts, the atmosphere seems a lot more calm, celebratory even. Instead of alarm klaxons going off across The Peak, the sound of cheers and music can be heard in the distance. Journo is sat at one of the desks, typing away on what looks like a report in a language unreadable to viewers; Krakoan. He takes a sip of something from his mug before turning to camera, a big smile on his face.
Journo: Hi y’all! As you can probably tell by the fact that I’m not lined up in some final stand against Dormammu, we won! We beat the fiery head from another dimension! Thanks to the coordination of the Guardians of the Galaxy, a huge pile of mysterium thanks to S.W.O.R.D, and yes, even Doctor Doom pulling his weight, we beat Dormammu. Maybe killed him? I’m not sure. Other dimensions and whatnot, it gets confusing.
You should have seen it viewers, Ranger Rocket was on-site, helping prep our giant #@!?%*& gun, we loaded it with the big bullet we…commandeered from Breakworld that we’d plated in mysterium, and sent it through one of Manifold’s portals to Spartax, where Dormammu was at the time. Now because it’s Rocket, he’d made sure none of my monitoring devices were on board so I didn’t see exactly what went down. But, from what I gather, the Guardians did some Power Rangers-stuff and combined their powers to make sure the bullet had the kick it needed.
Next we knew, the reports were piling in from every location Dormammu had hit. The attacks had stopped. They’d done it. Brand went off to party, I guess. with the Guardians, so we’ve got no supervision right now here on The Peak, which means, well, you can probably already hear the celebrations are in full swing already. I’m just finishing off this report then heading there myself. It’s been fun? No, not fun, universe-ending danger and what have you, but it has been a pleasure keeping you up to date on this situation. We’ll speak again. Journo out.
He turns back to the monitor, hits a key, and the report disappears from screen, sent off to Abigail Brand for review. Journo swings around in his chair, takes one last gulp from his mug, and gets up, heading out of the information hub to the celebrations ahead.
Reagan: Thanks Journo! Now to Justin with some news from Gamma Flight.
“Justin” AKA X-52 shuffles into the studio. They look remarkably like the ex-NEXTwave agent Machine Man, but their color formation is more bluish and green than purple and silver. They wear no clothes except for a ripped GC616 branded blazer. X-52 sits carefully behind the taped together TV trays which is framed by a patched (but unpainted) backdrop.
X-52: I’m, uh, supposed to tell you about the Gamma people. A recent leak from the self-appointed “Gamma Flight” has revealed that new gamma-mutate “Stockpile” is none other than Dionne Fortean, daughter of General Reg Fortean, long-time Hulk-hunter and “head” of the clandestine Shadow Base.
But I guess you fleshies have a few other questions about the last time I was on this broadcast. As you have seen over the weeks, I am not Justin Partridge III. HE’S OKAY, mind you, but I have been doing his reports from the field. Who Am I? Justin was calling me “The Other Machine Man” for a bit until I explained that I don’t care for the concept of gender overall and suggested X-52 as a suitable replacement. My full desigate is A3Q56-X-52, but nobody can seem to put that on a driver’s license just yet.
He recruited me from Latveria Craigslist after some of his first reports got him pranged. That’s uhhhhh all I got I think this week. I said I was a robot. Did that. Told you about the Hulk People. Did that too. Also, OH YEAH, I’m basically indestructible. I should have said that earlier. So all those times you saw “Justin” getting beaned, it was me. And I can totally take it. In fact, I’m even thinking of pitching something upstairs to see just if anything can blow me up real good. People can bring their bats or death-rays to the studio and we could film it or something. I dunno. I think it sounds fun.
I’ll be back next week, providing my batteries last until then.
Reagan: Thanks X-52! Now let’s check in on Bobby and see what he has to say today.
The GC616 camera shifts to Bobby and his cameraman Flem, who’s at Macarthur Park, Westlake. Chaos reigns loose as Reptil (in his dinosaur form) and his friends are fighting the Scheming Sarsen!
Bobby: Flem, you getting everything? (Flem nods) Greetings GateCrashers! It appears that in our monthly exploits of Reptil and co., we have what appears to be an epic superpower beatdown! Humberto finally has got the groove of being a dinosaur and he’s killing it! (Bobby grimaces) You know, killing it. As in, he’s doing a good job! Cause you know, heroes don’t kill. Does that make sense? I think I am digging myself deep-
Flem: Sir, I think they got it.
Bobby: Anyways, I gotta say that it’s a peak jerkass move from Sarsen to ruin this festival you know! I wanted to eat some tacos in peace!
Flem: Well, sir we live in a world of Marvels. (tries to move the camera to Sarsen, who’s shouting some supervillainy dialogue) What were you expecting?
Bobby: I get it. We’re in a world where danger can strike any moment! But is it too much to ask for a moment of peace? (grabs Flem all of a sudden) IS IT?
Flem: Dude, you’re really worked up about this? It’s just tacos.
Bobby: TACOS THAT I WANTED TO EAT IN PEACE!
All of a sudden Reptil grabs Bobby and Flem with his mouth and throws him far away.
Reptil (Humberto Lopez): Sorry about that!
A camera comes out of nowhere. Long mechanical arms come out of the sides of the camera and grab both Bobby and Flem. With a whoosh, the two of them find themselves in a newsroom. A whoosh is heard and we see Bobby in a suit. Flem is shooting him with his camera and there’s a screen behind him. It’s Angel and M from X-Corp.
Bobby: Well, if I am being honest, I didn’t expect to be in a news broadcast. And frankly, I don’t really have anything to say about X-Corp. I mean, sure they’re a big company and they’re significant in the grand scheme of things. Mutants headlining their own company? Unbelievable! But we’ve heard of them before and they’re just making their move.
That being said, I am interested in this. Monet and Angel: are they secretly a couple? I mean, look at that grin! And what kind of a person considers talking to someone in a professional environment with that sort of statement to be “dirty?” They’re absolutely dating!
So what do I think? I think it’s an interesting pairing. I know that for the merry band of mutants, we talk about the relationships each one of them have had and I am sure we all have certain ships, but I like this one! And I don’t care what any of you have to say about–
The screen turns into static.
A Robot Voice: We’re experiencing technical difficulties.
Reagan: Oh no, I hope everything turns out alright with what caused that static. Well anyways, let’s check in with Chad.
Chad’s logo appears on the screen as usual but something is a bit different with his theme. The normal electronic music has been replaced with an acoustic cover of his theme music. Instead of the typical sizzle reel, it’s a montage of fall related events. One of the highlights of the reel is Colossus tossing Chad from the belt of his pants into a pile of leaves. As the report begins, Chad is standing at the Starbucks pick up counter with thick rimmed glasses on, the lenses clearly poked out. He removes one of his headphones, careful ears can hear “Wildest Dreams (Taylor’s Version)” playing.
Chad: Hello Chadlians. It’s your boy Chad, here to celebrate the changing of the seasons. Straight up f*^*ing love the fall.
The woman behind the counter loudly tells Chad to stop using profanity in Starbucks.
Chad: Sorry. Had to stop for a quick PSL, Pumpkin Spiced Latte. Do you think Green Goblin likes Pumpkin Spiced Lattes? Dude’s gotta with his whole thing being horny for pumpkins, right? Anyway, Moon Knight.
Chad: Turns out there are 2 Moon Knights. Once who has like a whole Austin Powers Goldmember thing going on. Great film, you should watch it. So it sounds like this Goldy Knight thinks my boy Moony is weak for protecting vampires or something. The vampires he is protecting are hot, that’s a total alpha move on Moons part. They did the whole hero villain scrap thing but you all know Moon Knight is built different. Dude slammed a baseball bat over Goldy Knight’s head like he owed him money. He dragged him out into the street and told him to piss off. Moon Knight really is doing some good for the neighborhood. I’m tryna grab a beer with this dude. Wait maybe he will want a PSL too? Anyway, back to you Regatone.
Reagan: Thanks Chad. And thank you to everyone tuning in to the show. This has been GC616, we’ll see you next time.
The camera cuts to the logo before switching over to the next program, a daytime talk show of some sort.