Categories
Film

GateBuster: The Stuff

Rodrigo hands in this week’s review card on The Stuff!

How ridiculous does a movie about evil ice cream sound? I know horror movies in the 80s had some wacky villains, but evil ice cream? Really? 

[HELP!] 

How do you even think of that? I’ve been working in an ice cream shop for at least four years and I have never thought of evil ice cream. 

[HELP! THIS ISN’T ME!] 

The idea of a movie about evil ice cream it’s just ridiculous. Completely absurd!

[HELP! THAT’S THE EVIL ICE CREAM TALKING! NOT ME!]

The movie is all about this ragtag group of vandals trying to prove that ice cream and consumerism is bad. Honestly, how ridiculous is that?

[The movie is actually a pretty good satire about the uncontrolled wave of consumerism that struck America during the Reagan era, touching on themes like the exploitation of Earth’s natural resources and the complexities and evils of the corporate world. Also PLEASE HELP! I’M BEING POSSESSED BY A DAIRY PRODUCT!]

The two protagonists are also pretty absurd and annoying. I mean an ex FBI agent who is now a corporate saboteur and a kid that sometimes eats shaving cream, who thought these would be good characters?!?

[The evil ice cream has a point; the kid is pretty annoying, but him eating shaving cream is completely justified and also pretty funny. Also, I don’t want to sound repetitive but PLEASE, FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, HELP ME! I HAVE BEEN POSSESSED BY EVIL ICE CREAM!]

This guy and the kid join forces with a lady who is apparently pretty good at marketing, a man who has been fired from his own business, and a crazy military guy who is a conspiracy nut and somehow has an entire army at his disposal. Basically, a ridiculous cast of characters. 

[To be fair, the nefarious popsicle is right. This is a really absurd group, but that is one of the best aspects of the movie and one of the reasons this movie is so fun to watch. By the way, not that you care, but the white stuff that has been taking possession of me is now liquefying all my organs and it’s really REALLY painful!]

Beyond how ridiculous the plot and the characters are, this movie is a complete disaster. The acting is bad, the script is a mess, the visual effects go from decent to terrible, and the fake ads that are sprinkled throughout are extremely annoying. This movie is trying really hard to be a horror movie, but instead it is clearly a bad comedy. I promise you this is not worth your time.

[OKAY, FUCK THIS DEPRAVED GELATO! Please don’t listen to him, this movie is actually the most fun I have had in a while. Yes, the acting may be a little awkward, and there might be some sappy dialogues, but the thing is: this was never supposed to be a serious horror movie. It clearly wants to be a horror comedy, and it nails that feel! The satire is on point (especially with the ads), the practical effects are amazing, and the ending is the best ending in the history of cinema. So please go wat.. oh my god… oh no no no no…. oh my fucking god… please don´t… it has reached my brain… oh fuck… this is so painfull… please help… HELP!… please… help me… … … … AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!]

Anyways, I hope you enjoyed this small review of The Stuff. And remember don’t stop buying ice cream, like never stop, keep buying, forever, and ever, and ever… or else. 

[…]

Rodrigo Arellano

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