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GC616 News (Marvel Comics Releases for 07/28/2021)

GC616 is back with coverage of comics released on July 28th, 2021.

The GC616 logo flashes across the screen before fading to reveal Reagan with a serious look on her face.

Reagan: Good evening and welcome to GC616. Before we begin, the NYPD has released a statement regarding the recent spate of killings in Hell’s Kitchen.

She takes a breath before reading out from a sheet in front of her.

Reagan: [quoting] “It is believed that a series of recent murders in the city are, in fact, the work of the serial killer known as Bullseye. Bullseye is presumed to be armed and incredibly dangerous and as such, the NYPD and the office of Mayor Wilson Fisk are advising that citizens stay indoors with the curtains drawn while both the superhero community and law enforcement continue the search for this culprit.” 

We here at GC616 hope that all of our viewers in New York are staying safe. Now, on to Journo with some news from the Peak.

The camera cuts to drone footage of a long curving corridor, to its right, a sweeping view of space. Earth is just visible in the drone’s periphery. The drone is following a figure running through the corridor, he’s decked out in a teal-blue jacket. It’s Journo, Agent of S.W.O.R.D, GC616 Reporter. 

An alarm klaxon can be heard ringing out. As he makes his way down the corridor, Journo passes an open doorway. The drone swings its camera around to look through it and we see Emperor Hulkling appear out of nowhere, dropping neatly on a medical bed. Journo eventually comes to a stop outside his supply closet-turned-information hub. He turns to the drone, a smile breaking through his clearly tense expression.

Journo: Hey folks, Journo here, live once more from The Peak. Things have only gotten more hectic since last we spoke. Dormammu has been sending Mindless Ones to every major hub of galactic importance.

He moves into the supply closet, red warning lights are flashing across all the monitors. Journo takes a seat at his desk and continues speaking.

Journo: Throneworld II, political capitol of the Kree/Skrull Alliance has been badly hit. From our reports it looks like Emperor Hulkling took drastic measures. He brought in Captain Glory, a prisoner after his actions during the Empyre event, to give assistance. And it seemed to work for a time. They were holding their own, Accuser Lauri-ell was holding the southern front. Then it all went to hell.

That’s where we came in. With Alpha Flight not responding, Abigail Brand led a strike team to Throneworld II to rescue the Emperor. I don’t think her intentions are wholly for the Alliance’s benefit, but there’s no problem in turning a situation to your own advantage. Frenzy went too. Damn my boss is cool. 

Anyway, they managed to rescue the Emperor, whose injuries were quite grievous. Manifold transported him to the medical bay, and now I’m waiting on a further update from Brand or Frenzy to confirm they’re either pushing the Mindless Ones back, or are transporting back to The Peak.

Journo taps a couple buttons on his keyboard and one of the monitor screens changes from flashing warning lights to an image of two figures enjoying dinner by a beach.

Journo: In quieter, though no less dramatic news, Storm, the Reagent of Sol, sat down for dinner with Doctor Doom. Port Prometheus on Planet Arrako reported all went well at first, conversations were had, compliments were made. Then there was some disagreement, news reached Storm of what’s happening across the galaxy, a bolt of lightning struck, and the dinner came to an end.

I’ll be back soon with some hopefully better news about this situation, but for now, this is Journo, signing off. Back to you Reagan.

The drone footage fades to black, alarm klaxons still going off in the background, before the camera cuts back to the studio.

Reagan: Thank you Journo, and now on to Adam with some more Krakoa coverage.

The camera cuts to a darkened room with a large board on the wall covered in names and pictures that seems to resemble a family tree.  A large section labelled “Nathan Christopher Charles Dayspring Askani’son Summers”  takes up around half board and is covered in string trying to create some sort of timeline.  A man sits in the middle of the room sobbing holding one of the photos from the board.

Adam: I…just…don’t…understand…HyperStorm…

Reagan: Um…is this a bad time?  Should we come back to you later?

Adam: What?  No…no.  I’ve got this.

The man straightens up and faces the camera as an image of a young Cable appears on the screen.

Adam: CABLE IS AT IT AGAIN!  After recruiting his band of family, friends and Deadpool to go confront Stryfe for yet another final battle, sources say that the group travelled to Limbo to face him.  Those sources were demons however, so I’m not entirely sure how trustworthy they are.  Or how they got my phone number.  Thanks to some slightly more reliable human recorded footage from before they set off, it does appear that there are now TWO Cables in the main timeline as well as Stryfe, which doesn’t even surprise me at this point.  After several young Cable’s were spotted fighting in Japan, two Cables of different ages seem almost normal.  According to the strange Limbo demons, Cables young and old teamed up and killed Stryfe, something that I’m sure will stick this time, and the several babies that Stryfe had captured and cloned were saved.  We reached out to Stinger, the mother of one of these mutant babies involved in the events, who said she “didn’t mind the sudden addition to her new family, although the new one does seem a bit strange.  In certain lighting it’s almost like his eye…glows?”.  Well don’t worry Stinger, I’m sure glowing eyes are perfectly normal for a kid his age!

The image changes to the older version of Cable now, and Adam looks slightly relieved.

Adam: My source on Krakoa, who will not be named and definitely isn’t just a drunk Gabriel Summers in the Green Lagoon, have informed me that with Stryfe now defeated the younger Cable has departed this timeline while his older version sticks around.  Several heartfelt goodbyes were had in the Summers House as the young Nathan returns to an unknown future.  There was also a tough farewell between Cable and Esme of the Stepford Cuckoos, who had struck up quite the romance recently, but you never know what the future may hold for these time-crossed lovers!  Although this may be the end of young Cables adventures for now,  I’ll miss the little scamp.  Even though he shot me that time I tried to interview him.  Back to you Reagan!

Reagan: Thanks Adam! Now let’s go to Katie with some news on infamous cat burglar, Black Cat.

A black cat saunters up to Katie in the studio. The cat wears a collar adorned with six rhinestones. Each rhinestone gleams with a different color. Purple, blue, red, orange, yellow and green hues signify each stones’ importance. She picks up the purring feline and sets her on the desk before beginning her report. 

Katie: Your name is Felicia? How cute! Where did you come from, girl? 

Hello! Last night, the greatest thief this side of the multiverse managed to pull off yet another heist! Witnesses saw the one and only Black Cat effortlessly bounding across rooftops. She never misses a step, proving, once again, this cat must have skills like Bastet herself. You think Black Cat has nine lives? Try infinite lives. Curiosity can’t kill this cat.

The claw-some Cat infiltrated a warehouse on the docks. What was she after? Well, a sudden blackout occurred at the exact moment a helicopter was heard around that location. It’s a good thing cats can see in the dark!

Felicia the cat purrs in approval.

Katie: While the contents of the stolen cargo remain unclear, a large containment unit sporting a nuclear waste symbol was reported missing by local docks workers. Sources report that the stolen box is, “roughly the length and width of an adult-sized coffin.” I hope nobody was inside that thing!  

Terrified citizens reported hearing multiple gunshots high above ground. Amidst the racket from screaming people, the hovering helicopter, and the shootout, it’s a miracle Black Cat escaped with her claws intact. Was Black Cat intercepted? Who was shooting at her? I can’t say for sure, but it’s evident the ferocious feline didn’t go down without a fight. 

The Black Cat’s whereabouts are currently unknown. Who knows what destiny awaits her! Oh, and don’t try to find Black Cat, or you might lose one of your own lives. Back to you, Reagan!

Reagan: Thanks Katie! Let’s go to Jordan with a report on the Eternals.

The camera cuts to a dimly lit room, filled with books and manuscripts and ancient artifacts. It’s the Santcum Sanctorum, home of Doctor Strange. Strange’s current student GC616s Sanctum liaison Jordan Edwards peers into a portal watching events unfold. 

Jordan: Greetings. Working with the Sorcerer Supreme brings with it many exciting possibilities. The opportunity to meet powerful individuals in intriguing places being one of them. Case in point The Eternals. Earth’s supposed guardian angels. I have been watching these powerful beings as of late and will report to you my findings. 

Several Eternals have been fighting the mad titan Thanos, a particularly vile and powerful creature of evil. It seems he was revived by the Eternal, Phastos. The two seem to have formed some vile pact, wherein Thanos is forced to co-operate. Dealing with one such as Thanos never ends well with anyone involved, so the actions of Phastos are unwise, to say the least. 

Thankfully his other Eternals seem to be aware of this fact as they attempt to battle Thanos. They seem to be doing particularly well in this exchange as well. Thanos is having significant difficulty holding down this many Eternals. This might be the defeat of Thanos after all. Wait! The Eternals are being ejected from the loop by the machine. I’ve lost track of them viewers. They seem to have been sent elsewhere. No matter, I shall direct my gaze to Phastos. Oh dear. Phastos seems to be severely injured, and the machine seems to be damaged beyond repair. Supposedly this could ring forth the end of our world, it may be worth summoning Strange for this. Ah, thankfully Ikaris rus has just arrived on the scene and is flying off to confront this threat. But wait! Out of the shadows slinks the devious Druig, who has leaped into the consciousness of Phastos. 

I’ll explore this further at a later date, the most important person of note currently is Ikaris, let’s see how he’s handling the Machine. Oh my Ikaris has just been incinerated, sacrificing himself to contain the blast. The day is saved but at the cost of the life of an Eternal. Worry not though dear viewer Ikaris being an eternal shall surely return, especially now that the Machine seems to be operating once more. But wait?! Well this is a startling revelation, just as Ikaris has been revived again, so too has the boy he swore to protect died. It seems that the Eternals have a dark secret underpinning their long lineage. Interesting, this shall surely shake these mighty cosmic beings. This will require further study, in the meantime be careful viewers be well and may the Vishanti protect and guide you.

Reagan: Thanks Jordan! Now let’s go to Chad who we apparently haven’t gotten rid of yet.

The electronic beats start as the Checkin’ In With Chad sizzle reel begins. A highlight from this week’s video is Chad being smacked onto the floor of Krakoa at the Hellfire Gala after saying ‘Diamonds aren’t the hardest thing on Earth’ to Emma Frost. When the reel ends, Chad is sitting in the coffee shop of a large bookstore. Most viewers assumed Chad didn’t know how to read nor has ever picked up a book.

Chad: What’s up dudes! I know you all missed the Chad man over the week. It’s been a solid week for me. I got a new protein powder. It’s called “Beast’s Blue Balls” supposed to make your hair more rugged. Anyway, I was told I need to catch you up on Spider-Man after we teamed up for that brawl against the sinister sixty-nine. UP TOP BRO!

Chad is talking aggressively loud in a quiet bookstore cafe as he reaches his sleeveless arm over to the table next to him for a high five. They get up to leave.

Chad: Straight up NO chill. Whatever. So I definitely got away from the fight and didn’t trip over Scorpion’s tail and knock myself out on a theatre chair despite what you heard on Twitter. But honestly, some shit happened with like a centipede guy or whatever, kinda hard to follow and honestly kinda hard to give a shit. You wanna see something gnarly though?

Chad holds up a comic to the camera that’s filled with pulp adventure-style versions of heroes everyone knows like Spider-Man, Captain America, and Black Widow.

Chad: So to keep it 100 with you, this book is called Amazing Fantasy and I thought it was going to be like a nudey mag or some like buff bros and hot babes with dirty writing but this thing rocks. It’s like someone wrote John Carter of Mars fan fiction starring our heroes, yeah I know John Carter. I saw the movie. But, it’s like WHAT IF these heroes got teleported to a world with dragons, winged lions, and swords? Spidey is in it too and he meets a hot chick with an eagle friend so I think this fulfills my contract of talking about Spider-Man. Back to Reagan in the studio! This is your boy Chad, PEACE.

Reagan: Thanks Chad, always a joy. Now we’re going live to Justin with some Knightly news.

The screen behind Reagan is once again erupting into chaos. London is being broken down for scrap, pulsing red energy seems to be cracking the buildings and breaking them into a new…slightly Medieval looking structure. The frame then swings into the streets where Londoners with crackling red eyes run rampant through the streets.

Our POV swings one last time to finally somewhat frame Justin Partridge III. He is dressed like the Distinguished Competion’s Shining Knight, but is still filming his remote reports on his phone. He has a selfie-stick this time, however. One that looks a lot like those cheap telescoping fake lightsabers you see at the bargain bin sections of Targets. You know, those weird bins by the entrance? Justin adjusts his helmet and speaks into the phone.

JPIII: PANIC on the streets of London, but no word yet on the streets of Birmingham as THIS reporter WONDERS TO HIMSELF could life ever be sane AGAIN?!

As you can…somewhat see behind me, the buildings of London are in…flux, shall we say, breaking down from their original construction and reforming into a structure not unlike the picture backdrop at Medieval Times where I had my birthday last year! And right after the new rapid redesign of the London skyline, Londoners then took to the streets in a sort of 28 Days Later-esque rage! 

Officials and authorities are quote “scared shitless” about the new development and have reached out to local superteams Excalibur and MI-13 for some kind of response. Witnesses have claimed to have seen Black Knight entering a building close to the energy’s epicenter, but those SAME witnesses have also claimed that the hero was mainly just muttering into his phone and quietly sobbing through his helmet too as he advanced, so I maybe wouldn’t count too much on him turning the tide at this point.

This reporter wonders if maybe the English put too much stock in the concept of “knighthood”. That perhaps we must rely on ourselves to protect-

Off-Screen Street Tough: OI! THERE’S ANOTHER KNIGHT! FOOKIN’ KICK HIM IN!

JPIII: Aw, nertz. Two seconds, Citizens.

Justin attempts to flee the scene, allowing viewers a full view of the once Off-Screen Street Toughs that were just moments ago shouting and now advancing on him with cocked fists and malice in their eyes. He tries to run but the AC-16 mid-weight chainmail he wears fails the Dexterity check and he spills onto the pavement, met soon after by a hail of work-booted feet and more jeers. We barely see the whole scene, just random stomps and elbows peppering the frame.

After a moment they stop and walk away, high-fiving aggressively. Justin stands again and looks like he has just been hit with a dozen cartoon catfight clouds. The armor holds though, despite some slight hooligan-damage. Justin starts to speak, but his hand seems to pop off, spilling to the ground connected to a sort of metal hose. Almost like his hand was on a spring coiled inside his body the whole time.

JPIII: WHOOPS, whaaaaat? That’s so ODD. Welp! I guess that’s all for me! From London, I’m Justin Partridge III. Good night, and good LU_c_c_c_c_K.

The camera cuts back to the studio.

Reagan: Thank you Justin, I hope all is well with whatever is going on with your hands. Perhaps you should see a doctor about that. Anyways, now onto our new correspondent Max with some news on a battle between the Avengers and a glob-like being.

The camera cuts to a a short chubby man in a white dress shirt and brown dress pants, he stands in front of a white wall with what appears to be a low budget re-creation of a news set, with a projection presumably from a cheap off-screen projector making up the visual aspect of one. 

Max: Hi I’m Max and my team scours New York trying to bring you folks the best reports of what exactly goes down during those intense battles we all watch from afar. Today we have an update on yesterday’s battle in Manhattan between the Avengers and the gigantic being dubbed the “glob”, which eyewitness accounts have described as a “giant monster that consumed everything it came across”, resulting in the destruction of several blocks. Correspondents and eyewitness accounts from the scene at the time tell us that the encounter started with The Hulk being the first of the Avengers to unsuccessfully attack the creature, with one description stating that the monster seemed to “absorb” The Hulk’s attacks. This was followed by further unsuccessful attacks by Captain Marvel and even Thor.

As he describes the events, three separate images flash across the projection showing stick figure re-enactments of the events.

Max: Our eyewitnesses confirmed that it was Black Panther, who finally brought down the monster. We now have footage from a civilian interview we conducted describing the events.

The camera hastily zooms in to the projection and we see it transition to what appears to be a middle aged bald man in work clothes with Max interviewing next to him with his phone acting as a microphone, the video starts to play.

Max: Can you tell us who it was that eventually took out what you’re calling “The Glob”?

Middle-Aged Man: It was the Black Panther who finally did it to em.

Max: And can you describe exactly what it was he did?

Middle-Aged Man:  He jumped into the thing, the glob’s mouth,  it seemed like nothing happened but then the monster just started shaking and fell over, I saw him walk out after that

The camera cuts back to Reagan in the studio.

Reagan: Thank you Max, and with that, we’ve reached the end of our time today. We’d like to once again remind our viewers to stay safe and to stay indoors until Bullseye is caught. Goodnight. 

The GC616 logo flashes across the screen before the feed cuts out.

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