The Last True Cold One Delights at High Noon

If you are a fan of film, you know the term “spaghetti western,” which describes an era of incredible cowboy filmmaking. But for the most part, it has become a lost art. What if I told you the wild west is back but with a new moniker? Enter “Beer Western”. Beau Allen’s pointy nipples, Jason Kelce, and the entire Garage Beer gang bring the genre back in one of the funniest short films I have had the pleasure of watching. The Last True Cold One, directed by Jordan Phoenix, is a comedy-drenched observation on the Western genre, with a clear love for the films it homages.

In Garage Beer’s third feature film (previously, BREWMITE, THERMAL BUZZ), Jason finds himself in a tumbleweed town plagued by the evil Beau Allen, embarking on a quest to find an ice-cold Garage Beer (now in bottles!). With the help of a compass that only points to cold beer — and the town’s sheriff, Ms. Kylie — you’ll have to see if Jason can conquer Beau Allen and his sick, twisted obsession with ice… and obscenely cold Garage Beer.

This isn’t just a film review; I will be up front with you. It’s a full set of observations on a brand, people, and some of the funniest marketing I have ever witnessed. From the official press release:

Look whoever is reading this: we didn’t just take our Classic Light and Garage Beer Lime and put it in the chillest bottles you’ve ever seen, we also made a movie. Because when we launch something cool, we make sure to do it in the dumbest way possible.

The energy of Garage Beer is mirrored in their filmmaking outings, which are not just simple little bits but incredibly funny and well-shot journeys through genre. The screening I attended was a showcase for almost everything they have created so far, which left me cracking up the entire time. I sat in the theatre, muttering to myself, “What do you mean they made a Predator film that Disney signed off on?” while I watched Jason kick back with a Yautja after they had just won a Super Bowl. Everything Garage Beer is personality and creativity-driven first.

Of course, they are a business, and they need to make money, but they are choosing to do it their way. They are a team that wants to have fun, and they’re doing that for everyone to share in the energy with these films. The Last True Cold One is a real cowboy film, shot on the same sets as major films such as Tombstone, The Outlaw Josey Wales, and The Quick and the Dead. They want to make the things they love and put them out into the world. For a beer company, I think that’s extremely cool.

Jordan Phoenix, their in-house director, isn’t just goofing around, though. There are some seriously wonderful shots in the film, such as one with Jason popping around a corner at night that had some really beautiful lighting. I was caught off guard by how often I was saying “that was such a cool shot”. There is an iconic crane shot towards the end of the film where the final showdown takes place.

Every piece of the scene is just brilliantly executed. That includes an incredible score by Leland Child-Lanning and Sam Billen. Their score is a perfect Western composition, including a song where they repeat “GARAGE BEER” in a choir. It’s not just a tacked-on piece of the puzzle but an integral part of their short film, which is why they stand apart from others making “cool” things. Not only was the score phenomenal, but the sound design by Sam Billen’s company, “Primary Color Music,” was also an absolute delight. The bar fights, saloon music, and everything in between were authentic because every piece of the puzzle fit together.

Jason Kelce and Beau Allen are hilarious. They both fully dedicate themselves to the role, with Beau Allen delivering an outright laugh-out-loud voice for his character. The director informed me that Beau thought up his character’s story and mannerisms on his own, which I found lovely because it was a real acting gig for both of these massive men. If I don’t get to see these two in a Heat parody for Garage Beer, then I will be crestfallen.

But we also have to talk about Kylie Kelce’s (Philadelphia’s Queen) role in the film. She puts on her best Delco accent and drives it home with such wit. She’s as funny, if not funnier, than her husband with her role in the film. She also gets the most badass moment in the movie as well, which I won’t spoil, go watch the movie dickhead it’s free.

I spoke with the Director of Brand Marketing Lizzy Prater, before the film, she talked about how doing things differently is what is important to her. There are so many beer companies out there and the only way to set themselves apart is simple: Be themselves. I talked to the film’s producer, director, and sound designer all at the premiere, but walked away from each conversation with a single feeling.

Fuck Yeah.

I have been made a Garage Beer convert from The Last True Cold One. Their dedication to their team and making something they are proud of stands out from any other brand I have interacted with. As the son of a man who watches the first Eagles Super Bowl win at least once a month, I went in thinking maybe it would be phoned in. But Kelce and the beer company he co-owns phone nothing in and lead with heart, unlike anyone else in the beer market.

Garage Beer is now available in bitching cool bottles, too. Drink the lime one.