GC616 News: Marvel Comics Releases for 03/09/2022

It’s GC616! Check it out for recaps of Sabretooth, Punisher, Thor, and The Amazing Spider-Man.

As the previous show ends and GC616 begins, audiences are greeted with a new theme song. One that consists heavily of electronica and synthesizers. As the title credits close and the cameras turn on in the “studio” audiences are greeted by their new lead anchor, Chad. Chad’s previous work was on his highly popular youtube show “Checkin’ in With Chad” where he romped around the 616 interacting with all sorts of heroes and villains.

Chad is now sitting at the desk of the former GC616 studio office.

Chad: What up multiverse? It’s me, ya boi, Chad here to report the news for GC616. As you can see, I’m back in an office and not my house. I got a call from the higher ups letting me know the “frat house vibes” were not playing well with older audiences. Turns out they were right so I came to NYC to the office. This place is terrible but I’m going to fix it up to make it look real nice. Couple of fast facts from me, Spider-Man 1 is back and so is Spider-Man 2. They fought a T-Rex sized lizard and there was a living snowman of something. Wolverine is awake and first thing he does is Mack on Marvel Girl. Can’t wait to high five him over that power move. But let’s check in with our other reporters to see what’s up.

The camera cuts into a shot of Cass in a forest-like environment with mutant kids playing in the background.  

Cass: Hello, it’s Cass, reporting live from Krakoa, and ever since that whole inferno thingy that happened things have been pretty chill, at least as chill as things can be on the Island of krakoa. People are talking about the upcoming gala and about the X-Men… But to be honest something weird has been going on…

Cass gets closer to the camera as if they are about to tell the audience a secret. 

Cass: People have been seeing apparitions of Sabertooth, which is super weird because he was thrown into the pit (or as some call it, Krakoa’s prison) the same day the nation was founded. I tried to investigate a little and a secret source told me that apparently has been trapped in his own mind creating all kinds of scenarios, but now five more mutants have been thrown into the pit so I guess they had to play in Victor’s playground. 

The thing is that, Mole… I mean, my seacret source has told me they have formed an alliance with Sabertooth and are ready to take down the nation that put them in a hole. Apparently my source knows this because one of Victor’s companions (Third Eye) appeared to him in a vision and told him. I don’t know what is going to happen, but I believe things are going to get a lot uglier before they get better. Now if you excuse me I have a date with Doug and Be… I mean with a mysterious couple, good bye. 

The feed returns to Chad who looks astonished.

Chad: They just drop them in a hole essentially? Damn that’s hardcore. Sort of shitty but I’m not a lawyer so not clue how that all pans out. Let’s check in with Oscar.

The camera cuts to a colorful cue card that says: “What is going on with our favorite King?” The camera moves around the card and towards Oscar who is sitting at his desk.

Oscar: Last time we were left with a giant tornado that blocked our view, but it dissipated just in time that we could see The Mighty Thor! With a newly beautiful golden armor, he took the creature we have named Mangognir, the fusion of Mangog and the personification of the hammer Mjolnir, away using a Bifrost Sword. 

Everyone else here, including Dr. Strange, Wolverine, Spider-Man, The Fantastic Four, and The Avengers, was as surprised as we were. Fortunately, we got an anonymous tip to check on Asgard for clues of where Thor had gone. And we can confirm, our King won! And he has a new hammer! It kind of looks like the old one but with some cracks, probably scars of war to Mjolnir in its fight against Thor.

What other adventures will our favorite King face? We’ll have to wait and see. Back to you, Chad!

Chad: I wish I had a sick hammer I could swing around. Looks like we have a report coming in from Devin… hold on.

Within a strange warehouse in Greece, Devin takes cover as he watches none other than the deadly Punisher, as he takes out the local baddies and their high tech equipment.

Devin: Shhh…we have to be very quiet. I’ve been tailing the Punisher for a bit now and surprisingly haven’t been caught to get this scoop.

Devin: This is Devin with GC616 to bring you up on the latest news and boy do I have the perfect story for you guys. Follow me as we get closer to the action.

Devin and his trusty cameraman, Randy, both sneak around the Punisher as the infamous antihero does what he knows best.

Devin: The Punisher has continued his war on the underworld since we last saw him, but something within him has changed! The Punisher looks to be the leader of…the Hand?! Such a strange new status quo for the one man army.

Devin: With the hand at his side, it seems he is also the recipient of fabled Beast,  a legendary demon of the ninja clan themselves which has inhabited other heroes in the recent past.

The Punisher and his ninja make a hasty exit back to their compound hidden within the mountains of Japan. The Hand compound is immaculate, filled with ancient and traditional Japanese furnishings, it’s quite the sight to see! Devin and co. are spotted by Punisher and an older Hand woman.

Devin: It seems that the Punisher was all but destined for his new station, being groomed by the illusive Hand in their ways. I guess one could say this is fitting for the Punisher, a clan of ninja that strikes their foes at every turn lead by a single man that does the same.

Devin: I’d call that a match made in heaven, haha. 

Punisher: You! Get out of here before you end up on the next silver platter and served to the worms. 

Devin: Well, uh, Mr. Punisher sir..I’d like to at least get a few thoughts regarding why you joined the Hand if I could? Is it due to that lady that sort of looks like your..

Punisher unsheathes his freshly minted Punisher-Katana at Devin and Randy. Both men look to one another, sweating profusely and shaking just a tad.

Devin: I’ll just take that as a no. Thanks for your time, but we gotta go! That’s it for this scoop GC616 viewers! I’ll catch you all again with her another cool news report! Let’s go Randy, I can’t be turned to deli meat today, I’m too handsome to be sliced! 

When the report returns to Chad, he sighs.

Chad: The Punisher straight up sucks. He’s just a super villain that no one can take down. Except that one time Wolverine’s son sliced him up and turned him into Frankenstein. Good times. Anyway, that’s all we’ve got for this week. Catch you next time!

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