As the previous show ends and GC616 begins, audiences are greeted with a new theme song. One that consists heavily of electronica and synthesizers. As the title credits close and the cameras turn on in the “studio” audiences are greeted by their new lead anchor, Chad. Chad’s previous work was on his highly popular youtube show “Checkin’ in With Chad” where he romped around the 616 interacting with all sorts of heroes and villains. As this week’s program begins, Chad is sitting at his kitchen counter eating a bowl of cereal with one hand and holding a bag of frozen peas to his head with the other. His sunglasses cover his eyes but it’s clear he’s bruised and all scratched up.
Chad: What up multiverse? It’s me, ya boi, Chad to report the news for GC616. Trying to keep the volume low today, I’m just a lotta bit hungover. Sorry I don’t look like the normal golden god vibes you’re all used to but I had 2 terrible tinder dates this week. Like absolutely terrible. The first date was actually the second with a really nice lady named Janine, she was a psychologist! Maybe it was all the analyzing jokes I made but the second date went TERRIBLY. We are at this rooftop bar, macking, relaxing all cool when suddenly she just changes… she straight up turns into a Goblin. Like Green Goblin but red! Still hot but holy moly did she beat me up. Tossed me off the rooftop but Spider-Man 2 was there to save me thankfully. I’m still gonna call her again though.
Chad: I’ll explain the second one in a second but I gotta find some electrolytes. Let’s check in with Devin.
As the camera flips over to the next report, Devin stands inside a SWORD observation deck, observing various monitors with Abigail Brand.
Devin: This is Devin with GC616 News and I’m here with everyone’s second most favorite green haired lady, Abigail Brand! Say hello, Abigail.
Abigail Brand: More like goodbye. Hurry up and do your stupid report before things get any worse around here!
Devin: *gulp* Sure thing! I’ll just do this and get out of your way.
Devin wipes his sweaty forehead, trying to keep his composure. Agent Brand walks off slightly peeved by this disruption to her affairs.
Devin: I’ve got some explosive news straight out of our solar system, as our very own moon has been destroyed by the nefarious Badoon! Upon my viewing of SWORD monitors, the Fantastic Four are leading the charge back on Earth as pieces of the moon hurl themselves into the planet’s atmosphere.
Devin moves over slightly, pointing at the large monitors behind him. On the monitors, we spot the combined forces of The Fantastic Four, X-Men, Avengers, and others help protect Earth and it’s denizens. On another monitor below, we see a Badoon starship looming near Earth as the moon no longer is present with its remains flying toward the planet. Finally, we see the F4 themselves, in space confronting the Unseen.
Devin: As you can see, things are a bit rough out in our side of the cosmos!
Devin: Hold on a second…I just received word that Nick Fury Sr. has returned and is an agent of the giant headed alien, The Watcher! Oh no, I have also been told that the illustrious leader of the Fantastic Four, Reed Richards has used a piece of Watcher technology, learning the truth about something called The Reckoning!
Abigail Brand frustratedly pushes Devin out of the room and yells to his cameraman, Ricky, to exit as well.
Devin: Looks like I’m being forced out of here, so I’ll see you all soon with another report on our favorite heroes!
When the camera returns to Chad’s, he is standing in the mirror applying foundation to cover the black eye and battle damage.
Chad: Well that all sounds bad but nowhere near as bad as this other date. So I match with this girl Ivana and before you ask, I didn’t even make a joke about it! Seriously. I was on my best behavior after my Goblin Queen beat me up. So everything is going spectacularly and we get back to her place for some Secret Wars of our own if you catch my drift. Cut to post tie-in event cuddling and I’m curled up like a little baby when SUDDENLY OMEGA RED. She transforms into a tentacle whipping lunatic! Now, you all know I’m a freak but this was too much. I nearly got got but I remembered what my friend Logan told me once. When in doubt, put on a eyepatch and just say you’re someone else entirely. Worked like a charm.
Chad: I wonder if he’s been through anything like this. He’s still stuck in time and I think that Matrix lookin ass Wolverine is still out there… anyway lets pop over to GC1138!
The screen fills with static, and then a GC1138 logo appears behind the familiar green Rodian face of Rik Halloran.
Rik: Welcome back everyone! We have another update on the Jedi assault on the Nihil today, as the battle finally comes to a close! As the Nihil began to turn on their own space station for reasons unknown, it was up to our brave Jedi to save the Nihil Marauders from their own allies, truly proving their belief in “light and life”. But while Skeer and the others showed their faith in the Jedi cause, others had theirs tested as Jedi Knight Keeve Trennis was forced to cross sabers with Avar Kris to prevent her executing the Eye of the Nihil, Lourna Dee. Thankfully the -ahem- FORMER Marshall of Starlight Beacon was able to compose herself and take Lourna alive and the Jedis ship, the Ataraxia, is now on it’s way back to the Starlight Beacon hopefully with the threat of the Nihil now officially behind us-
Static fills the screen again briefly as another broadcast takes over. We see a human woman and a Gamorrean sitting behind a desk with “Starlight News” displayed on it.
Rynda Jakorr: Welcome back to another peaceful day on Starlight Beacon as the efforts to help the planet Eiram recover continue. What’s your favorite part of the planet Krugua?
Krugua: GRUNT GRUNT OINK!
Rynda: Hahaha, I couldn’t agree more! Today on Starlight News, we have a special interview with-
A deafening explosion cuts Rynda off as the entire station shudders. Cracks begin to form on the windows behind the anchors, gradually growing until the entire pane SHATTERS. The air is drained from the room instantly, soon followed by the staff of Starlight News as a screeching sound fills the air waves, followed by an overwhelming silence. The camera droid manages to stay functional in the void of space just long enough to show Starlight Beacon, the symbol of the Republic’s great efforts of expansion into the Outer Rim, slowly begin to fall apart and drift towards Eiram below before static fills the screen once more.
Chad: Well, damn, everyone’s just having a rough week! But in a note of good news, our camera person Doop has actually taken a sabbatical to return to his original X team, X-Statix. They actually inspired me to become an influencer just like them! Putting my life and the lives of the people I love on the line for the pursuit of glory. The thing is… they finally have competition with a group called X-Cellent which is run by their former leader, Zeitgeist. Competition is a good thing right? Nothing bad can come of this…right? Right?
The news report cuts to black.
Books Covered this Week:
The Amazing Spider-Man #88 by Zeb Wells, Michael Dowling, Bryan Valenza, and Joe Caramagna.
Fantastic Four Reckoning War By Dan Slott, Carlos Pancheco, Rafael Fonteriz, Carlos Magno, Guru-eFx, and VC’s Joe Carmagna. Report by Devin Arscott
X Lives of Wolverine #2 by Benjamin Percy, Joshua Cassara, Frank Martin, Cory Petit, and Tom Muller.
Star Wars: The High Republic #14 by Cavan Scott, Ario Anindito, Mark Morales, Carlos Lopez, VC’s Ariana Maher. Report by Adam
X-Cellents #1 by Peter Milligan, Michael “Doc” Allred, Laura Allred, and Nate Piekos.