The GC616 logo flashes across the screen, fading to reveal Reagan seated at the desk, her roots clearly visible. Unaware that the broadcast has begun, she is caught up in complaining about a hair appointment getting cancelled.
Reagan: Look, I know it looks rough, but what can I do? My appointment got cancelled! For like the third time!
Reagan: Maybe I should find a new hairdresser.
A whisper can be heard from behind the camera. Reagan jolts up, suddenly aware of the fact that the broadcast has gone live.
Reagan: [Under her breath] That wouldn’t have happened if someone had told me we were live. [At normal volume] Hello and welcome to GC616, your number one source for superhero news. We begin tonight’s report with news of a kaiju attack on Krakoa. Sources close to the event say that three self-healing kaiju attacked the island while the Avengers were visiting following the reports of Wanda Maximoff being dead. If sources are to be believed, the attack happened not long after Maximoff was revealed to be alive. As of right now, there is no word on neither why the kaiju attacked nor why the attack all but coincided exactly with Maximoff’s reappearance.
Reagan: While we wait for more news on this evolving situation, let’s go to Journo on the Peak.
The camera cuts over to SWORD Station One. Specifically, the canteen, unlike last broadcast it’s much cleaner here, the last remnants of a party having been swept away. Instead, the slow buzz of conversation can be heard as various agents of SWORD gather for their lunch break. The camera moves in on one agent, specifically Journo, who at the moment is drinking a cup of coffee.
Journo: Hey folks, I hope you’ve been well. As you can tell, it’s a lot less busy here on The Peak than the other times you’ve seen me. There’s not much going on at the moment other than a Shi’ar diplomatic visit to Planet Arrako. We’re on action stations, of course, you never know what can happen, but it’s nice to have a breather for once, y’know?
As he goes to take another sip of his coffee, flashing red lights and alarm klaxons start blaring throughout the canteen. Multiple exclamations of coarse language can be heard as the lunch of multiple SWORD agents is interrupted by this latest disaster. Journo chugs his coffee and runs off, the camera drone following behind as he begins examining what’s happening after a quick check on his comm device.
Journo: Crap, crap, crap, the Shi’ar have just been attacked by the Lethal Legion. Reports of multiple casualties. Sorry folks, I’m going to have to leave you here. We’re in for a busy day…
Journo rushes off down a hallway bathed in flashing red lights as the camera cuts back to the studio.
Reagan: Thanks Journo, let’s see what Bobby has for us.
The GC-616 camera shows Bobby and his cameraman Flem traversing a place that looks like the land of the fantasies of the imaginations of our humanity. They walk with pin-drop silence as Flem carefully sets up his camera for the filming of something that might be remarkable.
Bobby: It is night, with the sky taking on a youthful blue. Flem adjusts his camera on a group of individuals near what appears to be a quaint house, one you would expect from The Wind in the Willows. This begs the question: are we in an unknown pursuit of an adventure? What is our purpose here?
Flem: Uh sir, I am pretty sure we’re here because we heard rumours of a summoning going on. Did we have to take his assignment?
Bobby: Aw, come on, Flem. Where’s the adventurer in you? Why, I think we’re channelling a little Falstaff, aren’t we?
Flem: I don’t know who that is, sir.
Bobby: Shakespeare, Flem! Shakespeare! One of the greatest storytellers of his time, and of now! Though I will admit that there are possibly problematic aspects to his work that I believe should be examined. Anyways, never mind that! We shall see what we find here and–ZOUNDS!
Flem: What is it, sir?
Bobby: Look over there, Flem! Turn your camera to that light. Don’t you see it? It’s. It’s beautiful.
The light fades, but not because the lustre is dying; instead, it shows the beings who are, for lack of a better word, not of this cruel world. They are the animals of the Marvel universe.
Throg: My friends! We are here on a critical mission! One that will be contingent on the fate of this universe. To me, I say, come to Lockjaw!
Throg: I say, come, Bats!
Bats: Whatever you say, boss man.
Throg: I say, come Lockheed!
Lockheed: (flaps wings)
Throg: Led by me, Throg! Avengers Assemble!
In a flash, they disappear. Bobby and Flem look stunned.
Flem: I have seen God.
Bobby: Not just a God or the God.
Flem and Bobby: It’s the Gods. More than one, being united by a desire to protect the common people.
Reagan: Thanks for that, Bobby, now. If I’m correct, I think Cass has more news from Krakoa.
The transmission cuts into a handheld shot of Cass sitting in the Green Lagoon while wearing one of those cartoony fake glasses with a mustache attached.
Cass: [whispering] Hello There, I’m Cass, and as you can see, I’m in disguise. My vacations have turned into a high-stakes political thriller. Let me tell you why.
The last time I talked to you all, I let you know that an inferno was brewing in the mutant nation of Krakoa. On one side, we have the anti-mutant organization of Orchid that has been increasing in power since the launch of their new AI, Nimrod. On the other side, Mystique has been playing the long game, and now that she has resurrected her wife, the precog known as Destiny, she is ready to take over the council that governs this nation. Just yesterday, a vote was held by the Quiet Council to see if Destiny would be admitted into the council. It seems that Mystique is quite the politician because she convinced five different persons to vote yes, making the vote six to five, letting Destiny into the government.
This news didn’t sit well with the mysterious mastermind behind Krakoa, Moira McTaggart. She has a strict rule against people that can tell the future (especially Destiny, seeing how she and Moira have a… fiery relation), and make her take a difficult decision: Telling her plan to Emma Frost (Even I, someone from a different dimension know you don’t mess with Emma). The White Queen didn’t take the news too well, and I can not tell what side she will stay on.
In one final move against Destiny and Mystique, Charles and Magneto seem to get famous X-Men, Colossus, into the council (I don’t like that guy… am I allowed to say that on camera). It seems like political warfare is just starting and…
Someone off-camera: Who are you? What are you doing here?!? Why do you have that on your face?!?!
Cass: Ups, looks like I have to go… see you soon
Reagan: Thanks Cass, now let’s check in with Chad!
Instead of Chad’s normal theme this week, the audience hears Bobby “Boris” Pickett’s classic song “The Monster Mash.” The sizzle reel that Chad has thrown together this week features clips with him with various ghouls, supernatural heroes, and other Halloween-type people from Earth 616. The highlight of the reel is Chad ripping up rubber as Ghost Rider and the donuts in a 7/11 parking lot after consuming too many “Penance Coladas,” as they dubbed them, which is a mixture of Everclear, sprite, and coconut water. When the reel ends, we hear loud thuds of club music as the camera focuses on Chad, who is painted, head to toe, in silver body paint. The only notable piece of clothing is the silver speedo.
Chad: WHAT THE FLARK IS UP, CHADIANS! HAPPY HALLOWEEN! WE ARE OUT HERE! I AM GALACTUS’S HERALD! HEED MY WORDS!
Chad is yelling at the top of his lungs; he lifts the camera person off the ground.
Chad: DO YOU LIKE MY COSTUME!
As the cameraman mutters back a yes, they’re dropped to their feet.
Chad: OKAY! I have a lot of partying to do tonight. I am going to Goblin’s party later tonight. We are pong partners, and word on the street is that Mayor Fisk may stop by, so I gotta make sure we show him that even if he is the King of pins, I am the KING OF PONG. Okay SPIDER-MAN! There are def two. The new one has a fancy-ass costume. Cool shit. But you know it’s spooky season, so he will have to deal with some vampire-related murders. It seems like Morbius is back on the streets. But you know Spidey is going to cream that Jared Leto-looking punk.
Chad stops for a moment to ponder.
Chad: Oh! I remembered what I had to talk about. I saw Moon Knight the other night. He had just taken down the human puzzle, Jigsaw. The dude’s doing great stuff for the block. But more importantly, he was with Tigra. And like, I was thinking, she’s pretty hot. She’s an Avenger, super strong, and really cool. But like, does that make me a furry? Am I a furry? Anyway, see y’all soon. FULL SEND. CHAD OUT.
Reagan: At some point in our life, we must all reckon with the question of whether or not we are furries, best wishes to you in this key moment in your life. Thanks, Chad! And with that, we’ve reached the end of our show. We’ll see you next time with more news on GC616!