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GC616 News for Marvel Comics Released 09/01/2021

GC616 is back with a look at the latest Marvel Comics releases!

The GC616 logo flashes across the screen and fades to reveal Reagan seated at the desk, looking at her phone as a notification comes in. She looks at it and laughs a little, shaking her head as she does so, exasperated at the antics of whoever has sent the text. 

Reagan: [Under her breath] Fucking Chad.

What had begun as animosity born out of the frustration that came with being forced to give Chad a position with the team as an attempt to absorb the audience that he would bring with him in the hopes of boosting GC616’s ratings from the get-go has, over the months since GC616’s first broadcast after the Hellfire Gala, evolved into the very early stages of a friendship between colleagues. A friendship that had required Reagan to set aside some of her preconceived notions and to ignore for brief moments the indignation she often felt at the state of broadcast news and how, decades ago, it had sacrificed ethics and meritocracy in favour of high ratings at whatever cost.

To put it briefly, Chad had grown from a nuisance to be dismissed as soon as possible to, at the very least, alright in Reagan’s books.

Someone clears their throat off-camera, alerting Reagan to the fact that they were live and that she had, albeit quietly, said “fuck” on air. As quickly as she can she straightens up and plasters a grin on her face, entering anchor mode.

Reagan: Good evening and welcome to GC616, our top story tonight comes from our correspondent on The Peak, Journo. Journo?

The camera cuts to drone footage of an information hub. Monitors cover the walls. Warning lights flash from five specific screens, each labeled with the name of a planet. An alarm klaxon can be heard in the distance outside the hub. Sat looking at two monitors is Journo, Agent of S.W.O.R.D. On the screens he’s looking at are images of the mutant Cable and the leaders of the Kree/Skrull Alliance; King Hulkling and his husband, Royal Wizard Wiccan. Journo turns to the camera, unlike his last broadcast, he looks like he’s had a good 5 hours of sleep at some point in the last 2 days.

Journo: Hey folks, got an update for you on this Dormammu situation. We’re holding our own, for now. There are various strike forces holding the flow of the tide across the galaxy. One of them was led by Cable to Battleworld of all places to… procure some weapons for S.W.O.R.D. The old man called the team the X-Terminators, because of course he did. Y’know, the kid who was going around recently, that young Cable? He was good people, but I have missed the old man’s way of doing things.

And seeing him fighting side-by-side with Cannonball and Boom-Boom again? What a treat. Anyway, with some additional assistance from S.W.O.R.D’s best agents, and the only strategic mind to rival Director Brand’s, Ranger Rocket, the forces of Battleworld were no match for our team. We’ve now got a pretty big bullet to help in the fight.

Journo looks to one of the monitors, taking in the information scrolling across the screen at lightning speeds. A smile crosses across his face and he turns back to the drone.

Journo: Ha, they did it! Not to sound too victorious because we’ve still got a long way to go yet before the celebrations can begin, but we’ve just had a couple wins on Skrullios and Throneworld II thanks to the leaders of the Empyre.

It seems that on Throneworld the remnants of the Supreme Intelligence were still lurking around and enacted a plan to destroy the planet. While on Skrullios, Dormammu, or some echo of him showed up to take what he thinks is his. While Hulkling was unequipped to deal with the threat of the Intelligence, and the same with Wiccan and Dormammu, they could deal with eachother’s. So what did they do? Believed in the power of love.

I’m not joking, their wedding rings are formed from the remains of Mar-Vell’s Nega-Bands so they translocated to the other’s location, and boom, threats neutralized. Now I’m gonna have to go, there are reports coming in about something Wakandan going down, and Brand will be wanting a report on that immediately. I’ll update you as soon as I can. Journo out.

As Journo turns back to his monitors, the camera feed cuts out before returning to Reagan in the studio.

Reagan: So it seems that Chad does not have a live report this week so instead, he texted me and requested I show it to you on air.

Reagan: Thank you Chad for that. Interesting new way to present the news. 

A brief pause before Reagan continues.

Reagan: Oh and good luck with Tabby.

Reagan: And now over to a Mister Sinister whose qualifications we’re still trying to verify with some more coverage from Krakoa!

Reagan: Hello?  Are you there Sinister?

Sinister: What?  Can’t you see I’m on hold with Sinister services right now?  I’m trying to find out about my current upgrade plan but I’ve been here for HOURS.  The Sinister system has been really put through the ringer this week so things are running a little slow.  Lot’s of new drama to catch you all up on!  I followed those trouble-causing Sinisters through the secret portal, UNDETECTED MIGHT I ADD, as we all slinked around the creepy warehouse over Murderworld.  Arcade, ever the master of misery, decided to bury the creepy amusement park he calls home two thousand feet underground and build a very cramped elevator down there.  It’s part of the torture too of course, the only music playing the whole time is Arcades mixtape of recorder covers to ABBA songs with the occasional ad-break for his Soundcloud.  How did I follow them on that tiny elevator you ask? Well-

Sinister: ARGH!  Where was I?  Ah yes, so the Hellions battle with Tarn the Uncaring and his Locus Vile continued on and our gang of beloved misfits and idiots was not faring well.  With the revelations of Psylocke’s betrayal, our lovesick Greycrow went a little off the rails and nearly ended reality as we know it by feeding Amino Fetus.  That at least managed to distract Tarn for a while to go “cast his child into a black hole” and the silly Arakki god-mutant left his fish-knife portal open for our Hellions to stroll on through and see what all the fuss was about.  And it was something beautiful.

Sinister Services: Hello, you have reached Sinister Services.  For cape enquiries, press 1.  For body upgrade enquiries, press 2.  For Scott-  Thank you for choosing 2, please hold…

Sinister Services: Hello?

Sinister: Hello, yes I wanted to ask if my body upgrade plan includes fancy Sinister-Arakki god-mutant chimeras?

Sinister Services: Hmmm, let me check.  It says here that any chimera project doesn’t exist, and even if it hypothetically did then it was blown up when – 

Sinister: SHHHH!!!  SPOILERS!  I haven’t gotten to that bit yet!

Sinister: Anyways, as Sinister Prime revealed his grand design, a chimera that will give him the power of Tarn, some non-Sinister secrets are revealed as Empath shows himself a TRAITOR and sets our harmless himbo Havok on a…harmful path, all in the White Queen’s name.  With Havok in one of his Axis moods again, there were some slight… explosions as the lab was destroyed, maybe even with Kwannon’s daughter’s DNA with it.  More importantly, maybe even the pilot program of that gorgeous chimera!  If I hadn’t managed to sneak through the fish-knives portal at the last second, even I’d be doomed!  While I wait on the other end for things to calm a bit, back to you!

Reagan: That is certainly a lot to take in all at once. Good luck with all of that. Now to Justin with some Avengers news. [Sarcastically] Everyone’s favourite superhero team.

Justin Partridge III sits behind his taped together TV trays, looking the most normal he’s looked so far. He wears a sort of consternatated face. His clothes, while admittedly lame, look fairly normal.

JPIII: So apparently the She-Hulk is red now? And a blonde?

Now I can hear you now, you simpering flesh-sacs called Citizens. “Now, Justin! We already knew that! She’s been seen kicking around with The Immortal Hulk and the Defenders lately! This is old news!” To which I say, WHY are you talking to me?

This isn’t THAT She-Hulk! This is the OTHER She-Hulk! The AVENGER! NOT the Defender! (Though, technically that other She-Hulk was a Defender too, once upon a time, but I can’t think about that right now or I will get a migraine I have to promptly drown with dark alcohol). BUT SHE’S GONE NUTS! And Bottle Blonde apparently, which I just can’t get over.

Rampaging all across the world, apparently doped to the gills on vampire blood and palling around with a depressed gorilla. By last word, the pair were on their way to Atlantis. No doubt looking to spread a little of her obviously venting rage on the King of Ab-Lantis, Namor McKenzie (Yes, That Is His Real Last Name, @ Me All You Freaking Want). Honestly, just saying it here now, it sounds like the dopest shit ever. A brand new Hulk, diving down in the depths of the earth, aiming to face Ol’ Wingfoot under the direction of some probably no-good nogoodniks. Only for later her friends, Earth’s Mightiest, to make the scene and hopefully bring her green jeans back to the side of the angels.

The thing is…I don’t give half of a rip about it. And I don’t think you should either. Frankly, s’not a very good report and barely even had Namor in it at all. Isn’t that disappointing? That a news report about Earth’s Mightiest HeroesTM can make someone, even someone as unfeeling and robotic as me, just NOT CARE? Even more so than I already DON’T care?

He sighs heavily. 

JPIII: S’just really depressing. I am really depressed now. THANKS, AVENGERS, you freaking clods. You’ve DEPRESSED ME. Back to you, I SUPPOSE, Reagan.

Reagan: Depression and the Avengers do happen to go hand to hand. Frustration too. And boredom. A lot of emotional responses to them, [under her breath] few are positive. Well, anyways. On to an update on a previous story.

As longtime viewers may know, Gabby Kinney A.K.A Scout was initially reported to have been murdered after the Hellfire Gala. After the Gala, we at GC616 issued a correction for that story explaining that Ms. Kinney had in fact not been murdered and had merely been briefly missing. 

We would like to issue yet another correction. Recent information that has come to light. has revealed that Gabby Kinney was murdered. Currently, our sources have yet to have revealed whether or not it is known who murdered Ms. Kinney.

In related news, Krakoa has seen movement on the front of establishing who counts as an individual in terms of being eligible for resurrection, something which could allow clones with identities separate from themselves to be eligible for resurrection. 

What this means essentially is that, should this become an established aspect of the protocols surrounding resurrection, there would be what would amount to a legal difference between say a Sinister clone and someone like Gabby Kinney, who was cloned from her older sister Laura Kinney A.K.A. Wolverine.

Well, that’s it for today. We’ll see you next time. Thank you for tuning in to GC616.

The logo plays and the broadcast ends.

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