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GC616 News (Marvel Comics Releases for 08/25/2021)

GC616 is back with a look at Marvel Comics released on August 25th, 2021!

The GC616 logo flashes across the screen and fades to reveal Reagan seated at the desk, this time with her hair noticeably lighter having had it bleached at some point between broadcasts.

Reagan: Good evening and welcome to GC616, tonight’s first story comes from Justin who has an exclusive interview with none other than Spider-Man himself. Justin?

The camera cuts to Justin Partridge III standing atop the GC616 Studios, once again filming himself on his phone and his cartoonish overcoat flapping in the wind. Revealing a pretty scarily accurate J. Jonah Jamison get-up, complete with the thickest suspenders you have ever seen. The picture pitches and sways as he tracks The Amazing Spider-Man swinging up and onto the ledge of the roof. Approaching Justin with a wave.

JPIII: Hello, Citizens and welcome back to the program. I am moments away from a one-on-one interview with Spider-Man, who reports have claimed has spent some time recently mixing it up with The Immortal Hulk, tearing a swatch of saticially rendered and oddly traced looking carnage over the Lower West Side and then later the Savage Land! We turn now to Spider-Man for comment.

He turns the microphone to Spidey’s mask, which just implacably stares back.

Spider-Man: Wait. Wuuuut?

Justin swings the microphone back to himself.

JPIII: Yes, as of deadline Wednesday, a new report surfaced on the wires that claimed in the wake of your confrontation with Karnilla, The Norn Queen, in a team-up with Black Cat, while YOU YOURSELF were in your “Black Costume”. You were thrown into a later conflict with a rampaging Hulk which then spilled out into the Savage Land! Where you tousled and scrapped in the shadow of Moon Boy and Devil Dinosaur! What say YOU to these claims, SIR…Spider-Sir…

He swings the microphone back to Spidey, whose eye holes seem to have contracted larger.

Spider-Man: I don’t…It feels like you are just saying all the words you know. I thought you wanted me to call your boss Reagan? Like, tell her she’s doing a great job and stuff? Is that NOT happening now?

Justin swings the mic back a third time and holds a finger to an imaginary earbud in his ear.

JPIII: My producers and not at all a buzzing pitch in my head tells me to say that this takes place after Incredible Hulk #300 but before Web of Spider-Man #1

The mic finds Spider-Man again. The mask seems to have a cocked eyebrow now. He “scratches” his head.

Spider-Man: I honestly have no idea what you are talking about BUT CAN WE talk about your Larry King costume?

JPIII: It’s not…it’s supposed to be JJJ.

Spider-Man: OH HA HA! Yeah, then those suspenders need to be WAAaaaaAAAAyyyyYyyyyyY bigger, my man! You gotta hike them way up too. Kinda like how Paul McCartney wears his bass like flagrantly high up on his chest? How can he even PLAY that thing?! It’s SO HIGH!

Justin sighs. At least he didn’t get punched this time. Spidey throws an arm around him and gives a “hang loose” hand.

JPIII: Back to you moldering, constantly decaying fleshies in the studio….

Spider-Man: We love you, Reagan and #FranklinIsAMutant!!!!!

Before the broadcast can cut back to Reagan, the “Checkin in with Chad” logo appears as his techno beat plays without a clip this week. Once the logo fades, Chad is standing with a hot dog staring at the camera. He seems uncharacteristically mad.

Chad: Are you %#*^ing kidding me? That &@&/in guy gets to talk to Spider-Man and I have to report on this stupid @$$ human centipede dude? Big %#*+in deal this week. Norman Osborn made a deal with the Devil and sold his son to the Devil or something? Mephisto? How about you Mephisto these nuts dude? Can Spider-Man just beat this guy already so we can stop dragging this out? #*<%! 

Chad closes his eyes as he takes a very deep breath and sighs before taking a bite of his hot dog.

Chad: Sorry, it’s been a long week. This kid I assistant coach basketball for in the Bronx… this kid Connor is an incredible player but he’s also the best kinda person. Would give you the shirt off his back and has the biggest heart. The kid had a full ride to Empire State University. But now he’s sick… can’t play ball anymore. It’s like his entire life was pulled out from under his feet in a moment.

Chad turns away from the camera for a moment to use one of his hot dog napkins to wipe the tears from his eyes. 

Chad: Life isn’t always fair, viewers. As hard as we try, sometimes things change. Nothing is certain in life so just… I don’t know… appreciate every moment and love slash live to the fullest. You matter. Anyway, there’s a new Darkhawk out there. Dude looks SICK. Like cool frickin plasma wings and >#%&. Busted some crooks in the Bronx who were using some sci fi laser weapons. Really digging his get up. Awesome to see more heroes out there. Back to you Reagan. 

Reagan: Thanks Chad, I’m sorry about the kid you’ve been coaching. 

She takes a deep breath before moving on to the next story.

Reagan: Now we have Jordan with some news from Russia.

Cut to a small cramped room, lit by candles, books sprawled all over the floor. Jordan Edwards is sat in the center, pouring through scrolls and jotting down notes in his journal

Jordan: Ah greetings GC616 viewers. I’m Jordan, your liaison here at the Sanctum Sanctorum, and student on the sorcerer supreme. It is here where I can view much that transpires throughout our world. This includes international affairs, of particular note, The Winter Guard. This elite group of Russian superpowered individuals has been pulled together once more to track down Yelena Belova, one of the Black Widow’s and Alexi Shostavok. Belova is now under the watch of Natalia Romanova, the other Black Widow. She has just recently escaped the custody of Carol Danvers, in which she was questioned on the location of She-Hulk. 

It doesn’t help matters that Russia’s top assassin the Red Widow, has brought together a new Winter Guard with Chernobog, Vanguard, Vostok, Ursa Major, Crimson Dynamo and Darkstar. Prior to Belova’s capture by Danvers, the Guard was sent in to apprehend Belova and the Red Guardian as they search for something aboard the Koschei Air Station. What followed was an all out….. 

A tentacled monster suddenly bursts through the door, knocking over the camera and pinning Jordan to the ground. Someone follows behind quickly afterwards, kitted with a large cleaver, a bandaleir of vials and a large sack. 

Wong: Hold very still! 

Wong heaves with all his might and swings the cleaver straight into the creature

Jordan: What in the Vishanti was that!? 

Wong: A bog hydra from Katharta. Stephen and I have been conducting experiments in that realm, this was a great success. 

Jordan: Can your success not be barging into my room? 

Wong: Your room? Don’t forget where this room resides Edwards. This is the Sanctum Sanctorum and any manner of creature could make your every waking moment a living hell. I would suggest that you lock your door, and prepare yourself for dinner at 6. We’ve ordered Indian.  

Wong grabs the Hydra, dropping it into his sack. He hurls the sack over his shoulder, exits and closes the door. Jordan readjusts the camera and continues.

Jordan: Ahem, where was I. Ah yes. Belova and Alexi do battle with the Winter Guard. Alexi manages to somehow control the Crimson Dynamo causing his suit to explode, I am unsure how he was able to do so. Regardless, Belova and Alexi make good on the distraction and escape with a briefcase containing a remote titled ‘Operation Snowblind.’ Belova prodes at the idea of a mole on the Winter Guard, yet Alexi refuses to answer as to who. Given my resources here at the Sanctum, I’m well aware. However I will leave that discovery to come to you in time dear viewer. Until next time, stay safe and may the Vishanti guide you.  

The feed cuts back to the studio where Reagan prepares to deliver the final story of the evening.

Reagan: Thanks Jordan! Finally, our last story of the evening. Earlier today Thor was spotted thwarting a robber attempt by the Wrecking Crew with the help of Valkyrie. Unfortunately, Thor wasn’t able to stick around for long after saving the day as he was alerted to what was likely some pressing kingly duties by his two ravens, Huginn and Muninn. It’s unlikely that we won’t find out what’s going on in Asgard sooner rather than later, these things do tend to affect Earth for some reason.

Reagan pauses.

Reagan: And with that we’ve come to the end of out time tonight, we’ll see you again next week.

The logo flashes across the screen and fades to black as the next program starts.

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