Categories
Comics

GC616 News (Marvel Comics Reviews for 08/18/2021)

GC616 returns with coverage of comics released on August 18th, 2021

The GC616 logo flashes across the screen and fades to reveal Reagan sitting at the desk, a solemn look on her face as she begins the show. 

Reagan: Good evening and welcome to GC616 News. Tonight, shocking news from Krakoa as the mutant nation makes public the death of Wanda Maximoff, also known as the Scarlet Witch. 

Originally thought to be a mutant herself, Maximoff has been public enemy number one to mutants since M-Day, also known as the Decimation, the event in which all but a handful of mutants were depowered. Prior to it being revealed that neither Maximoff nor her brother Pietro were mutants, they were both founding members of the Brotherhood of Mutants and early members of the Avengers. 

Krakoan authorities have not revealed much due to the ongoing nature of the investigation but they have confirmed that Maximoff’s death is being treated as a homicide. No suspects have been revealed at this time but social media speculation is placing everyone from Mystique to Exodus to Magneto himself as her murderer.

We will keep you updated on this story as it unfolds. In the meantime, let’s turn things over to Journo, our “Special Cosmic Correspondent”, reporting live on the developing Annihilation event.

The camera cuts to drone footage of a supply closet converted into an information hub. The room is bathed in red as the monitors that cover the walls flash emergency warnings. An alarm klaxon can be heard in the distance. At the back of the room, sat hunched over a desk, is Journo, Agent of S.W.O.R.D, GC616 Reporter. He turns on his chair to face the camera. There’s bags under his eyes, he’s clearly not slept in a while, but he still manages a smile to the audience at home.

Journo: Hey folks, don’t know how much time I’m gonna have with you today. The situation out in space is rapidly deteriorating. We now have confirmed reports that 5 worlds have been attacked by Dormammu’s forces and it’s all hands on-deck here up on The Peak. Brand has split S.W.O.R.D forces to assist Emperor Hulkling and the Royal Consort on the Empyre’s respective homeworlds. We’re all on-call to provide assistance whenever necessary.

The Guardians of the Galaxy meanwhile have split their forces among the other world’s currently under attack. Reports from The Proscenium confirm that Dr. Doom is assisting, though he likely thinks he’s in charge, being the despot he is. Anyway, he’s developed a theory that the five planet’s being attacked form a pentagram, and that it’s Dormammu’s plan to bridge our universe with his Dark Dimension. It’s not good.

As he’s contemplating this, the screen’s in Journo’s information hub start flashing an even deeper red as some new data streams in. The drone camera picks up an image on a monitor labelled Spartax an image of an enormous figure emerging from a portal. Journo swings his chair round to take in the info. He lets out a quiet swear under his breath.

Journo: That’s… That’s bad. Dormammu, who was already pretty big having taken over Ego’s head now has a body to go along with it. And is that… Nova facing off against him? He’s so small I can barely make him out. Umm, Reagan, I need to head up to the command room to report this. I’ll be back for another report when I can.

As Ethan darts out of the room, the camera cuts back to Reagan in the studio.

Reagan: [Hushed but stressed] Dornammu is. Not good news. 

She sits there, eyes big before remembering that she’s in the middle of a broadcast.

Reagan: Umm…Thank you Journo for your reporting, we hope to see you again soon, stay safe. Now let’s go to Katie with some news about Felicia Hardy a.k.a. Black Cat.

The camera cuts to Katie, adjusting her shirt. She is wearing a red and white baseball t-shirt with a giant yellow star embroidered on the front. What message she is trying to send to the audience with this flashy attire is anyone’s guess. Her cat, Felicia, lays asleep on the desk in front of her today. 

Katie: As a reporter here at G616, it’s my job to seek out information. Sometimes, I send a companion in with a wire tap. Sometimes, I show up at people’s doors unannounced. You never know what kind of method I’d use to find a good scoop. Nothing illegal though, I can assure you…

Felicia’s ears perk up for a moment. Katie pets the cat and pushes her ears back down.

Katie: In one of my latest eavesdropping–investigative adventures, I heard an intriguing conversation. It was a starry night the other evening, and I couldn’t sleep. My…colleague set out the next morning to scope out a building with two suspect superheroes, since I was too exhausted from scrolling through cat pictures all night. Anyway, I’m here to report a new update on the Black Cat thievery saga! 

Katie: My new associate uncovered information about a stasis chamber having been stolen the same night Black Cat stole a large object from the docks. You’ll never believe what was in this chamber — a body. Not just any body, but, and don’t hold your breath since my source tends to get their paws tied up like a cat’s cradle, but the body of hero-turned-anti-hero: Star! We haven’t heard about her in about five years or so? Who knew the reality-warping hero was stuck in a glorified coffin this whole time? 

Tired of sleeping, Felicia gets up and shakes her head at Katie. Obviously, this cat has been working hard. Katie seems to have been hardly working.

Katie: We are still trying to figure out what the Black Cat wants with this untrustworthy woman. She can literally destroy our reality. Star can eavesdrop like no one else with her enhanced hearing powers. No wonder she was a journalist! Did I mention that she also previously merged with the Reality Stone?! If Black Cat and Star are teaming up to hunt down the Infinity Stones, this is shaping up to be an un-furr-tunate series of events! Fur-give me for the cat puns. You may want to wish for safety on the next shooting star you see. Back to you, Reagan. 

The camera cuts back to Reagan.

Reagan: Thanks Katie! Now onto Bobby with some news from X-Corp.

The camera shows a room with the Madrox duplicates. It moves quickly around the room, showing them working and then it focuses on this young man sitting on the sofa. It’s Bobby Varghese Vinu, wearing a suit.

Bobby: Evening GC616! It appears that X-Corp, one of this year’s interesting start-ups has apparently become a major shareholder for French pharmaceutical conglomerate Noblesse Pharmaceuticals. I wanted to verify this and this time, I seek to not make a joke of myself.

The camera focuses on one of the men coming towards Bobby. It is Jamie Madrox.

Jamie: Well, this is a surprise! How did you get in here?

Bobby: Door was open. And I know that this wasn’t the time we agreed on for our second interview, but after hearing about the news with J.P. Kol, I wanted to verify what was going on?

Jamie has a stunned look on his face.

Jamie: What are you talking about? I don’t remember anything.

Bobby smiles.

Bobby: Don’t lie.

Jamie: Yeah fine. We bought out the people under Noblesse. It was a vote, and everyone was on board. Well, we did have one member who wasn’t on board. 

Bobby: You know that the media is gonna hound you on this right? We have nothing against the mutants and our news is unbiased. But the others won’t.

Jamie: Sure, and maybe now these companies know who we are, and they might not try to jerk us around. We’re powerful. We’re mutants. We’ve had our name smeared numerous times and you think this is gonna stop us?

Bobby: It’s just…

Jamie: Just what?

Bobby sighs

Bobby: You and I are different. I know that. You and the other mutants do things differently. I respect that.  It’s just that I am worried about the anti-mutant sentiments.

Jamie: Who cares? 

Bobby: Look I don’t see it like that. I can see what you’re trying to do. You are mutants and you are fighting for yourselves. And not every human is gonna see this like that.

Jamie: It doesn’t matter what they think.

Suddenly Jamie sees something outside of the window.

Jamie: You need to get out.

Bobby: Wha—

Jamie grabs Bobby and pushes him against a broom closet. He closes the door.

Jamie: This is for your own good. Don’t leave the room.

Bobby’s voice is muffled.

Bobby: Uh, Jamie, will you come back? And be careful out there! I don’t wanna be stuck here forever you know. 

The camera cuts back to Reagan in the studio looking perplexed.

Reagan: Hope everything turns out fine Bobby! Now let’s go to Ireland for an update on some Mutant activity over there.

The camera cuts to a small, seemingly empty, stone room that almost looks like a castle’s basement.

Reagan: Hello?  Is someone there?

Padraic: Yes!  Can you please tell your camera man to point that bloody thing down a bit so we can crack on?

The camera pans down to reveal a small ginger leprechaun dressed all in green standing with a microphone looking annoyed.

Padraic: Your man’s not the full shilling quite frankly, where’d you get this eejit anyways?  So those X-men returned to Ireland and as usual, they made a right mess of things.  With those posh tools over in England buggering up the deals for those fancy Krakoan medicines, all those melters really accomplished was making the border even more of a nightmare.  And the Marauders are having their own wee supply issues, what with their fancy boat completely banjaxed, so the black market is a bit buggered too.  All those problems got the  Russian mob and some of the local hallions having a gander round one of those Hellfire warehouses, and trouble was bound to go down. Thankfully everyone’s favourite mutant, Banshee, was there to save the day and show those chancer’s what’s what.  Or that was the plan anyways, till those Verendi Reavers showed up to ruin it all and chuck a big bomb into the mix.  If it weren’t for those Marauders arriving just in time we’d be in proper bother.


Padraic: We even managed to get a wee clip of Banshee’s reaction to the Marauders arrival:

Banshee: SCCCRRREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

Padraic: Class.  With the Marauders on the scene Emma Frost got right to evacuating all the folks caught poking around the warehouse while Jumbo Carnation and Captain Kate fought off the Reavers.  That lass Tempo went about slowing down time around the bomb to turn those seconds into minutes.  Time for Tempo indeed!  Of course Tempo only slows time, not stops it so that bomb had to go off eventually.  While the locals legged it, Kate Pryde kept tempo out of phase while the warehouse blew up.  Verendi may have destroyed some medicines today, but with the departure of one of their members, through some meddling by the Cuckoos,  it’s not all great for those eejits. 

Padraic:  Right, that us then? Banshee has brought the crew back to Cassidy Keep so time to get hammered!

Reagan: Is our Ireland correspondent really a leprechaun? Is that…ok for us to have done? Anyways, on to Justin with some news from both Krakoa and Gamma Flight. Justin?

Justin Partridge III sits at the side Correspondent Desk (which looks suspiciously like four TV trays taped together). Over his right shoulder a giant piece of posterboard is taped to the GC616 backdrop. It has a crude silhouette of Galactus and the words “GOD WATCH” spelled out in glitter glue.

He is dressed like Brian Fantana, but looks like he spent all his money on the wig and fake moustache. His sling is gone. 

JPIII: Thank you, Reagan and thank YOU, Citizens. ::he takes a deep breath::

GOD WATCH! 

Things have been getting downright metaphysical during the week, throughout our little universe, and it’s becoming increasingly difficult to track. But that’s the job, fellow Citizens, and we here at GC616 are the best at what we do. And what we do ain’t very…well, it actually IS pretty nice, now that I think about it.

From the Krakoan wires, more reports of unrest and wanton, almost gleeful, violence have started to trickle through. Though the Quiet Council are still proving mum in regards to the day-long absence of one of their heads of state, Professor Charles Xavier, and the pitching violence other denizens of the island-that-used-to-walk-like-a-man are all too happy to speak up. Though I can’t seem to recall who exactly provided me with the following quote.

“It’s weird, it’s like everyone is in “hardcore party mode” all the time”, said the…one mutant I talked to. Who was…slightly bald, I think? Had one of the older jackets, I wanna say? “They push and push and push. Into all hours of the night. And then something just…always snaps. And it always ends in a resurrection. No matter the situation. It is gettin’ kinda grim, I can’t lie.” 

GC616 reached out to The Quiet Council for comment, but was met again with a stony silence. Even in the wake of ANOTHER Council member, Kurt Wagner, recently also becoming “unavailable” after what appeared to be a catastrophic celestial event over the new Krakoan planet Mars. Wherein one of its moons, Phobos, almost fell into the planet’s atmosphere. Only to be BAMF’ed several lightyears back before it could. We hope to know more in the coming days.

On the Gamma Beat, it seems also that Gamma Flight is missing. Again. 

After a rollicking battle in the Texas capital, the team seemed to…for lack of a better term, “blink out” once the rampaging Skaar had been dealt with. Local authorities and S.H.I.E.L.D operatives quickly locked down 8th Street and the side street Quadalupe, much to the chagrin of the town’s population of disgusting hipsters and crust punks wishing to drown their sorrows in overpriced chili and soapy beer. 

Former Gamma Flight Commanding Officer and Current Alpha Flight Commanding Officer Henry Peter Gyrich had this to say about the team’s missing status. 

“F^&k those kids.”

More on these stories as they develop. Until next time or the inevitable heat-death of your central star, Fleshies. Whichever comes first. Reagan?  

Reagan: Thanks Justin! Now let’s check in with Chad who I am [obviously reading from paper] making a clear and concerted effort to be kinder to. Chad?

The electronic beats start as the Checkin’ In With Chad sizzle reel begins. A highlight from this week’s highlight reel starts with a close zoom shot of Scarlet Witch’s mouth as she says the words “No more…”. The shot quickly pans out as she finishes her sentence with the word “cups!” as she sinks the final shot in a beer pong game. Chad and Wanda chest bump as Doctor Doom pours luke warm beer over his mask because Chad refused to give him a straw. When the reel ends, Chad is sitting at an Applebee’s bar.

Chad: What up Chadlians! Chadsters! BroChadskis! Another week of who even cares anymore dealing with our friend Spider-Man! So like all of his villains have been going for him non-stop because the Human Centipede basically told everyone that if they didn’t, they’d go to hell. I had a priest tell me that once after I polished off the church wine. Listen, if Jesus didn’t want me drinking his blood, then it shouldn’t get me so f#$*&^ up! Anyway the centipede dude summoned some other dead bozo from the grave to shoot out some spooky ghouls or something. No one gets in. No one cares. Spider-Man is going to be fine. Besides, there are two now, remember?

A waiter drops off a plate of wings in front of Chad’s at the Applebees in Times Square.


Chad: If you’re ever in the Big Apple, you better come to this Applebees. Tell them I sent you! So back in my neighborhood, there has been this weird string of attacks. They’re saying some geriatrics have been attacking people at night. Which is weird because they’re old… just push them down. It’s fine, they had good runs. But the dude running The Midnight Mission, Moon Knight, got called in to handle it.

Chad eats one of the wings while on camera but doesn’t speak with his mouth full.

Chad: I know this because I have been trying to get a date with Reese who runs the place with him. She’s a smoke show. By smoke show, I mean vampire. Because like that dude Bella Thorne or Well-go-see, I can’t remember the actors name…the dude who played Dracula in those black and white snooze fests could turn into smoke. Anyway, she can never get lunch and always says she can’t because she is a vampire but I think she’s just trying to make the Chadseter woo her. But anyway…


Chad slams the rest of his beer on the counter after finishing.

Chad: From what I hear, Moon Knight drank some janitor’s sweat. Listen, I will never yuck anyones yums but dude. But through that, he drove the dude bonkers and he fell over. It freed all the old folks. But it seems like something bad is coming for the neighborhood but I think Moon Knight is gonna be good for us. Back to the studio! Gotta finish these wings!

Reagan: Thanks Chad! Now rounding out our show is the first in a series of reports put together by our correspondent Max, on to you Max!

Screen cuts to a picture of Kang during one of his several battles. The somewhat squirrely voice of a man plays over it.

Max: Hi I’m Max, Amateur superhero fanatic, reporter and historian and my goal is to make superheroes more accessible to the general public both for education and transparency purposes. Welcome to my new series: “History Of” where I’ll be documenting the “History Of” several superheroes and villains and maybe those in between and beyond heroes and villains. As you can probably guess right now and for the next 4 episodes we’re covering Kang the Conqueror, not much is known to the general public about Kang beyond a few pictures of him on the news but I’m here to take you back the moment where Kang became Kang which I definitely didn’t hear about by stumbling upon a drunken Kang one night in New York.

We see a different picture of what appears to be fan art of a young Kang. Throughout this segment, different images of Kang are being played. 

Max: According to my sources, Kang does indeed come from earth, just not our earth, a future earth from an alternate reality apparently so he’s definitely not an alien just like a human from a different universe a thousand years into the future. So how did he become the villain we see the Avengers fighting in all our cities. Well according to what Kang told m—what my sources tell me, Kang was at some point taken in and trained by himself from either an alternate reality or the future, they were unclear on that. He was trained for a year apparently in the Mesozoic Era right before the meteor hit. The training conditions were brutal, Kang was regularly humiliated, beaten and abused by his older self. However even in this supposed hell, Kang apparently even managed to find some form of solace, meeting a human in the Mesozoic Era which shouldn’t be possible but that’s what he-I mean ‘they’ told me. This fun little vacation in the Mesozoic Era apparently ends when Kang got tired of the conditions and murdered his older self, taking control over the suit, using it to travel to a different point of time. In that moment, it was said that a “Warrior and Conqueror was forged, one that would no longer study history but be a part of it” according to my sources. And that’s it for this episode, tune in next time as we continue to look into Kang’s past and maybe even his present.

Rather than return to Reagan in the studio, the screen cuts straight to the logo before the feed is cut and a terrible low-budget horror movie starts playing.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s