The GC616 logo flashes across the screen (this time as an actual graphic, albeit a low-quality one) as the lights come up in the GC616 studio, now a conference room that is somewhat larger than the utility closet that we’ve seen over the past two weeks.
Reagan sits at a large conference table as opposed to the folding table she’s been sitting at for the past two editions.
Reagan: Good evening and welcome to GC616 News, our top story tonight comes to us from The Peak, S.W.O.R.D.’s orbital base via our correspondent Journo. But first, a correction from our Hellfire Gala special.
Reagan clears her throat before continuing.
Reagan: During the Hellfire Gala, it was reported that Gabby Kinney, also known as Scout and formerly known as Honey Badger had been killed during the event. Based on new information from our sources, it seems that Gabby is in fact, “totally fine” and “has never been better actually. We apologize for the misinformation.
Reagan clears her throat once again before moving on to the next segment.
Reagan: With that sorted we now take you live to our “Special Cosmic Correspondent”. Yes, that’s what he wanted to be known as. (whispering) I wish Dan had left me to do all the hiring…
The camera cuts to a view of space. The stars are sparkling like diamonds. A low, metallic hum can be heard. As the camera focuses, it becomes clear the view is slightly distorted, as if being viewed through a window. The camera spins around, at first revealing a long, gradually curving corridor, the window with that incredible view spreads down the corridor. Some figures can be seen walking in the background, though they are too far away to make out who they could possibly be.
As the camera comes to a stop it reveals what at first looks like a supply closet, but has in fact been turned into an information hub. Monitors cover every inch of the walls, information sprawls across them. At the back of the supply closet is a desk, empty takeaway coffee cups are scattered across it. A figure is sitting on a “gamer chair” at the desk. He swivels around, revealing a face familiar to viewers of the Hellfire Gala Special Report; Journo, Agent of S.W.O.R.D. He’s wearing one of those fancy S.W.O.R.D jackets with teal-blue livery symbolic of the diplomatic team.
Journo: Hey there you lovely GC616 viewers! I’m Journo, and let me be the first to welcome you… to The Peak. Yes indeed, I’m broadcasting to you live from S.W.O.R.D Station 1, orbiting in a geo-synchronus orbit above Krakoa.
So, I bet you have some questions. First, am I a mutant? That I am. What’s my mutant power? Well, I have a couple, but the one you’ll see me use is my ability to correlate and take in numerous streams of information at the same time (very helpful for news reporting). What’s my job as an Agent of S.W.O.R.D? Well as you can see from the sharp livery on my jacket, I’m a member of the diplomatic team reporting directly to Ambassador Extraordinary Frenzy. She’s the best boss.
But that’s enough about me, let me show you around my base of operations!
Journo begins pointing to various monitors. He sweeps the empty coffee cups into what at first seems to be a trash can, but when looked at closely, reveals some plant-like specimen that is dissolving the empty cups into nothing.
Journo: From this here location, I get reports on everything that happens across the Galaxy. Not only do I have prime access to the S.W.O.R.D information feeds thanks to Wiz-Kid, but I’ve got monitoring stations set up in Alpha Flight on Earth (whatever’s left of them that is), Port Prometheus on Planet Arrako, Throneworld II. Hell, I’ve got a direct line with Super-Skrull and the Guardians of the Galaxy on the Proscenium…
As Journo is talking, multiple monitors start flashing red. A look of panic comes across his face as he takes the various streams of information in.
Journo: No, no, no, no, no, no, this is bad. I’ve got reports of attacks? Invasions? I don’t… This has to be coordinated. Someone’s attacked Throneworld II, Spartax, Hala, Aerie, even Skrullos! Port Prometheus just reported Nova doing his human rocket shtick and jetting off at invaluable speeds. I’ve lost contact with the team of Guardians who were monitoring Ego. The last transmission we got is garbled but I can make out one word…
This is worse than I thought. I need to find Frenzy. Now. Um, back to you Reagan! Speak soon, I hope.
As Journo takes off running, more alerts start appearing on the monitors in his supply closet. Just as the camera cuts, alarm klaxons can be heard sounding off across The Peak.
Reagan: Oh I hope everything is ok. Dormammu is a very big deal. Let’s hope we hear back from Journo soon. Now on to Jordan with some Asgard-related news.
The feed turns to a strange place. A place of fairies and of magic. This is Alfheim, the home of the light elves and one of the ten realms. We see Jordan standing in a field, dressed head to toe in mystic garb, an ancient manuscript held at his side.
Jordan: Greetings viewers. It is I Jordan, GC616s mystic expert and associates of the Sorcerer Supreme. Today I take leave of my usual location at the Sanctum Sanctorum. I do as such as I have been requested to make an appearance here at Alfheim. Lady Featherwine has graciously invited the heroes of Asgard and the ten realms, in celebration of the anniversary of our victory in the War of the Realms.
Jordan: This such an occasion has brought many of the realms greatest heroes here today. Those representing Asgard count the Warriors Three, Lady Lif and the troublesome mutt Thori. Of course the Allfather Thor arrived with them summoning the League of Realms and Hawkeye, who takes the place of Spider-Man, Black Panther, Punisher… Quite frankly I am unsure of how many of Midgards champions declined the invitation.
Regardless the festivities ended abruptly as the heroes of the ten realms were interrupted quite rudely by…
A fairy buzzes around Jordan’s head incessantly.
Jordan: Agh! Get off. I’m sorry dear viewers this particular fairy has proved persistent in her annoyance. Hold on but a moment. By the Mists of Munnopor leave me be! There. Oh not to worry I have merely impeded her temporarily, she shall be fine. Now where was I?
Ah yes. The festivities were interrupted by a creature named Valg. Valg tossed Thor around a bit, showing him a past he hadn’t lived apparently. Valg called himself an “ant,” a scout of things to come. He summoned forth an alternate version of the God of Thunder. One who served the God of Death, Hela. Of course thanks to Thor and the heroes of Midgard and the other realms , this villain was defeated and forced to flee. The alternate Thor was sent somewhere unknown to me, but I would hope that he would not return. The battle seems to be at an end now and Thor and his fellow heroes are currently enjoying the spoils of good mead and a belly full of food. Although I can see now that Thor is wrestling some sort of large winged cat. The purpose of such an action eludes me. Regardless, things seem to have calmed down here, but there remains an ominous threat I am sure of it. I shall have to report this to Stepehn on my return home. Farewell and may the Vishanti protect you.
The feed cuts back to the studio.
Reagan: Thanks Jordan! Now on to Bobby with some news on Reptil.
The camera shifts around the Earth before showing a portal. The camera moves closer to the portal and is sucked in. And then we see two youngsters, Eva and Julian, the enigmatic Hag of the Pits, and last but not least, a group of dinosaurs. Then the camera turns to Bobby Varghese Vinu, one of the new reporters for GateCrashers’ 616 Division. He’s holding a microphone, reporting on the events at head.
Bobby: Hello to my fellow GateCrashers and fellow viewers! I was on this island to check up on the rumours of possible sightings of the infamous Kraven the Hunter. And while that turned out to not be the case, it does look like we got an active incident here!
One of the dinosaurs roars and runs towards the two kids. Eva looks to be creating what appears to be a portal.
Bobby: Hey Flev, can we get a closer look?
Flev hesitates. He’s a young cameraman and he’s just graduated high school. And it’s his first assignment. He starts sweating.
Flev: Sir, are you sure? We’d be getting closer to the dinosaur you know.
Bobby: Oh c’mon Flev. We got this. You’ll be safe. Just stay behind me.
Flev: O-o-okay then.
The two of them move closer and they take note of what’s going on. They see other dinosaurs as well.
Bobby: To be fair, folks, this is Dinosaur Island so this is not out of the ordinary! Though they all look the same. I am assuming they’re T-Rexes and—wait a second. Flev, can you move the camera to that one dinosaur? The one with the bright colors.
Flev focuses the camera on Reptil and the other dinosaurs.
Bobby: Hold up! That’s not just a dinosaur. That’s Reptil, the kid who can transform into different species of dinosaurs! What is he doing here?
Surprised, Bobby clears his throat and begins speaking.
Bobby: Here’s a briefing on Reptil: Humberto Lopez was a part of Avengers Academy, an initiative to help bring forth a newer generation of superheroes. But I haven’t heard from him since! And now he’s on Dinosaur Island. Let me see if I can interview him.
Bobby comes face-to-face with the Hag of the Pits.
Hag: Halt! What are you two doing here?
Flev: Uh, we’re doing a repo–
Bobby: Shush Flev! We got stuck here somehow through some time travel shenanigans you know. Uh, we want to help you! Can we? Please?
Hag: No. This is too dangerous.
Bobby: Now just you listen here—
And in an instant, Bobby and Flev find themselves in a street. Bobby looks to Flev.
Bobby: Well…that was embarrassing.
Back to the studio with Reagan.
Reagan: Thanks again Bobby, hope that time travel jam isn’t too hard to get unstuck from! Now to Justin Partrdge III with some news on Gamma Flight
The monitors behind Reagan produce an image of 8th St. Austin, TX in chaos. Cars overturned. Asphalt pulped across the sidewalk. Texas-style chili pots overturned and spilling in a deep, unsettling red. The “camera” whip-pans around to show Justin Partridge III. Clad in a suit that looks suspiciously like the Eleventh Doctor’s jacket, trousers, and braces (with a perfectly shaped Stetson hat and a PRESS card jammed into its band), topped off with a comically large “VOTE HOWARD! / DOWN WITH LYIN’ LAUFEYSON!” Campaign button on the right lapel of the jacket.
He is obviously filming this himself on his phone.
JPIII: YES, HELLO, Citizens and thank you, Reagan! As you can see I am here on location in Austin, where we have unconfirmed reports that the newly reformed Gamma Flight are engaging a number of new Gamma mutates. INCLUDING, and this is unconfirmed at the moment, but witnesses claim to have spotted Skaar, Son of Hulk locked in desperate struggle with former villains and new Gamma Flight recruits The Absorbing Man and Titania! I am going to try and get closer for a better look.
As he speaks, he steps gingerly through the carnage, stopping only to carefully lens the varying degrees of destruction that litter the street. Heavy smoke and the sounds of…explosive blows landing dominates the foreground. In the background we hear an eerie cacophony of screams, roars, and Justin’s increasingly panicked breathing. The “camera” finds his face again.
JPIII: I haven’t been on scene long, Reagan, but the air here is…obviously heavy and the mood frightening. Though I have yet to SEE any members of Gamma Flight just yet, the telltale shedding of the new “Doc Sasquatch” is unmistakable, as you can see here across the sidewalks.
He shows heavy trails of thick, green hair wafting through the air and across the sidewalk. The “camera” again finds us.
JPIII: I’ve also been told by officers on scene that the Austin PD have made requests to both the local National Guard and Texas S.H.I.E.L.D. Field Office in an attempt to try and support, or more likely, DETAIN Gamma Flight. No word yet on if Flight head Henry Peter Gy-
Titania: HEADS UP, GEEK!
Justin has no time to react as a full parking meter connects heavily with his face, exploding quarters and iron across the frame and spinning the phone out of his hands. Oddly enough, it lands in such a way that it frames Justin’s supine, coin covered body perfectly in the left of the frame. Titana’s godless-like legs step methodically into the picture as she looks down curiously at Justin’s still still form.
Titania: Are you, uhhhh, alive?
Justin raises a hand meekly.
JPIII: mmmmmmarryyy macpherrannnnn yer my faaaaavorite wrrressstler yew should wrestlllereee Aja Koooongghh.
She bends down and plucks up $2s worth of quarters, picking them off his chest and placing them in her boots.
Titania: Yer a sweetie, but I gotta go punch Banner’s bastard kid again. You just…stay there.
She LEAPS majestically back to the battle as Justin raises himself to a sitting position. A gnarly gash is on Justin’s head. But, funny enough, it doesn’t seem to be bleeding? Something under the wound catches the sun momentarily and glints quickly into the camera lens.
Justin grins widely into the still downed phone.
JPIII: I’m Justin Partridge III. Good luck, and have a pleasant tomorrow, Fleshies…erm, I mean CITIZENS.
Back in the studio, Reagan looks significantly weirded out.
Reagan: Anyways, now on to…
She checks the paper in front of her.
Reagan: Oh god… Chad.
The electronic beats start as the Checkin’ In With Chad sizzle reel begins. A highlight from this weeks video is God Emperor Doom holding Thanos’ skull and spine high in the air with one hand as he pours a forty of malt liquor into the hallowed skull as Chad is on a knee using the Mad Titan’s bones as a funnel. When the reel ends, Chad stands on a corner in NYC with large sunglasses on and his college lacrosse pinny on.
Chad: Bro I am so pissed right now.
Chad is clearly speaking to the camera man as he stumbles into a bodega.
Chad: Kanye said Donda would be out this week and dude lied again. After that shit he pulled last year when he released THOR IS KING? Losing faith in Ye. Oh shit sorry we are on air. I am a little hungover or maybe still drunk so I needed my baconeggcheese. I was out last night with these absolute BABES dude. They were vampires but that’s cool, I got to make so many sucky jokes. UP TOP!
The cameraman does not return the high five.
Chad: Although they did keep trying to recruit me for some scheme and calling me a boss babe. I don’t know if I loved that but their friends got attacked by that Moon Knight guy later in the night. Actually, thinking about it now, Moon Knight has been around the neighborhood a lot recently. Opened up this joint called his “Moon Mission” where he helps people. Honestly pretty sick of him helping people out. Always nice when there are heroes helping out the little people and taking down MLMs
Chad: I have only met the dude once at this monster bar I sometimes pre-game at. It may be a biker bar, I don’t even know. But Frank, the bouncer, is a real braggart about having the arm of a world famous arm wrestler. But this absolute CHAD, that’s what I call people who kick as much ass as me, Moon Knight walks in like a big shot and takes the title. Also heard he peels off people’s faces like fruit roll ups which is gnarly. Anyway, see you next week nerds.
Back in the studio Reagan is mid-eyeroll.
Reagan: Ugh. Chad.
She shudders before putting her professional persona back on.
Reagan: Our final story of the evening comes from Brason. Brason?
We see Brason where we last saw him still outside of Alchemax. Sweating as he clearly just ran out of the entrance about to explain what he just saw.
Brason: SO, three very big updates on the Andrea Benton situation. 1. She was not taken into custody, Alchemax still had her the entire time. 2. She has been attacked! By who? 3. CARNAGE. Sort of, it looked a bit like Carnage combined with another symbiote, but this could prove he was here last night. Also, Flash Thompson tried saving Andi but it seemed too late. I had to get out of there. Every guard is panicking, I have no witnesses to discuss with.
Right then, Doctor Steven exits out the front panicking.
Brason: He will definitely know what’s up. What is happening inside there?
Steven: *sighs* I gave the go to work on Andi and tried to reunite her with Scream in some capacity. We have no idea why Phage, mixed with a bit of Carnage, showed up and did not factor in her past with Flash Thompson. This was my mistake.
Brason: Wow, the first one to take any sign of responsibility in this situation. Are any heroes or authorities on the way to stop these symbiotes?
Steven: The alarm was set, authorities should be on their way. I’ll have to stay for further questioning I bet. Nervously face palms
Brason: For your sake, I hope that goes well, but someone higher up at Alchemax also needs to pay. Folks, again, stay safe out there.
One last time, the camera cuts back to the studio.
Reagan: Thanks Brason! And than you to you, the viewers for tuning in for another edition of GC616 News. We’ll see you again next week, same time as always.
The screen cuts to the GC616 logo as the broadcast ends.