Zelda: Ranking All the Soundtracks
The Legend of Zelda is, objectively, one of the most successful and greatest video game franchises of all time. Telling a classic tale of good vs. evil, the franchise has become known for its beloved characters, timeless stories, and absolutely beautiful music.
So we’re gonna rank the games based on how much you can twerk to the music. The rating will be on a scale of one to five butt bounces. The games that will be focused on will be just the nine main console games, so any of the spin-offs or handhelds will not count (even though I am fully aware that the Oracle games and Link’s Awakening count as part of the main series).
Finally, I will not be explaining why I decided to make this list. Also, my list does not reflect on how I feel about the games as a whole, just how the music makes dat booty bounce like a trampoline.
Without further ado…
The Legend of Zelda: Majora’s Mask
“Cryin in the club cause he can’t make it work work work work work”
Majora’s Mask is a genuinely beautiful game that focuses on some of the most mature themes in the Zelda series up till that point. Themes such as loss, grief, and trauma are all dealt with beautifully here. The music reflects these dark themes, going for songs that are both somber and yet sinister. However, unless you’re 100% a sad boi, this really isn’t music you can twerk to. I can’t drop this booty low when the Happy Mask Salesman is strangling me or when Link is going through his HORRIFYING transformations with the masks. I can, however, definitely twerk to the giant Moon falling out of the sky. Dawn of the Final Day, 24 hours of twerking remain, you know what I mean?
Zelda II: The Legend of Link
“What the hell was this game”
While the game itself isn’t the greatest, the music here does take on more of a lively tone. The overworld theme is an absolute banger and even has a beat you can clap your booty along to. We love a good beat to clap our cheeks with. Otherwise, the music itself is sort of…whatever. It’s better than Majora, but still no real memorable tunes to twerk to. Also, that game is weird. Like, why the fuck is it a 2D side scroller? CDI-looking ass, this kind of shit does not work with Zelda.
The Legend of Zelda
“This geezer knew to make the booty bounce like groceries in a high speed chase on the freeway”
I mean, look…it’s the one that started the whole shebang, so I give it props for that. But it’s low-key hard to booty bounce to 8-bit tracks. I dunno, there just needs to be more rhythm to it. At the end of the day, these themes ARE what really inspired this whole list, but looking at it as just music to twerk to, it’s just…okay.
The Legend of Zelda: Twilight Princess
““Hey Siri, play Imma Boss by Meek Mill feat. Rick Ross””
Okay, look…this is one of the rare 3D Zeldas I haven’t really beaten. And yes, I am a professional. However, I remember enough to say that this does have a weird mix of lighter themes but also incredibly dark ones. For example, I can absolutely twerk to the Ordon village theme, as well as the Hyrule Fields theme and the Talo Rescue cue…but I absolutely can not drop it like it’s hot to the Twilight realm or any of that. It’s too off-kilter and off-putting. Zant can absolutely GET IT, though. We stan a king in this house.
The Legend of Zelda: Breath of the Wild
“Shoutout to my boy Sidon though. The real hero of BOTW, major Zora Himbo energy”
Admittedly, it doesn’t have that many bootylicious songs to twerk to, but when they DO show up, man, do they make it count. Lost Woods, Gerudo Town day theme, and Hetsu’s theme are all standouts here. But the music goes for more sentimentality and loss rather than just straight up fire tracks. It’s a more reflective piece, given the world that it’s building (and what an impressive world they’ve made).
The Legend of Zelda: A Link to the Past
NOW we’re finally starting to get somewhere. That opening demo music before you even hit start? Holy shit, that reverb on the soundtrack. Koji Kondo really said, “aight let me show you how we fucking get low in Japan.” The only complaint I have is that it’s short. The whole soundtrack only comes in at 45 minutes. But holy shit, do they make it count. BATTLE WITH GANON IS A BOP, FULL STOP. When you can make the menu screen booty bounce, you got me sold.
The Legend of Zelda: Skyward Sword
“The absolute RIZZ on this man”
A truly underrated soundtrack with some low key BANGERS. The main theme just being Zelda’s Lullaby in reverse is simultaneously one of the most hype and one of the biggest Zelda Butt Bouncers™ ever made. Also, Faron Woods…low key underrated. The way the strings section just goes back and forth for the background makes that shit sway faster than Groose’s Pompadour. Also. Groose…just…motherfucking Groose. What a goddamn legend. And his theme slaps too.
The Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time
“This guy gets it”
I mean. Come ON. Lost Woods? The Market theme? Horse Race? ICONIC bangers that still hold up. And I just listed the ones that make the booty go up and down faster than you travel through time. Epona’s Song. Zelda’s Lullaby. Song of Time. An absolutely legendary soundtrack that still holds up 25 years later.
The Legend of Zelda: The Wind Waker
“Link about to collaborate with Steve Aoki to create the sickest booty bouncing beat”
This shit absolutely slaps. Every song in this game is banger after banger after banger. Dragon Roost Island? Windfall Island? SAILING ON THE SEAS THEME?!? Get that booty warmed up and start to swing like you’re on Tetra’s pirate ship because it’s about to be bouncing like you just can’t stop. In all seriousness, this soundtrack slaps and is so danceable. Low key the absolute best Zelda soundtrack. It’s so damn memorable.
SPECIAL MENTION: The Tears of the Kingdom Final Gameplay Trailer
“More like GanonDADDY amirite?”
Less getting ranked and more like a very good indication of where this will fall on a future list (who am I kidding, they’re never letting me write a list again after this). That saxophone, though? That HITS. Also, Ganon’s new look is about to get a lot of booty in the dance club swaying, if you get what I mean.
If you’ve made it this far into the list, thank you for reading, and I am sorry if this was a time waster. Boy howdy, say goodbye to those minutes reading this because you’re never getting it back.
Crash the gate with dat booty, though. You know?
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