Morbius is the Greatest Film Ever Made

Every once in a while, a film comes along that challenges the human condition. It makes you question your own morality while simultaneously uplifting you at the same time. In 2022, that film has, at last, been found within Morbius.

Based on the beloved Marvel icon, this film stars international figure and definitely not cult leader Jared Leto as Dr. Michael Morbius, who has been stricken with a rare blood disease. Determined to find a cure for him and his brother Lucien (Matt Smith), Morbius dedicates his life to science. Eventually, he does find a cure, but at a cost. Morbius begins to experience the craving for good old human blood and must decide if being cured is a blessing or a curse.

On a visual scale, the film is a treat. I loved when the camera moved incredibly fast, making everything blur so I couldn’t tell who was fighting who. It brought me back to those wonderful days of watching Transformers 2 and trying to see who was a Decepticon and who was Robot Jesus. It also made me feel like I’m on the (literal) sickest roller coaster, giving this film a new definition of a thrill ride.

In addition, the film uses slo-mo so much here. I loved being able to see the clear use of Snapchat filters on the vampiric faces during each fight.

The director recently said that the use of the powers was influenced by Pokemon, and I can truly see it. At last, my boy Zubat gets his chance to influence the masses.

Also, shoutout to the score for sounding like Nolan’s Batman movies. Because if you’re going to steal, steal from the best amirite?

The film’s story is wonderful. It feels the most coherent and interesting of the modern superhero film era. Characters never go through any change (at least not mentally), and I love the film for this brave and daring choice. Because as we all know, change is bad, and you should feel bad for liking change.

And the connections to the MCU? *chef kiss* It’s perfect. Makes absolute total sense.

Speaking of characters, everyone acts wonderfully. Move over, House of Gucci, there’s a new Jared Leto performance in town. There are no jokes or wisecracks here. We are super-duper serious all the time, barely speaking above a yell.

Jared Harris is the best actor in the whole movie. He definitely doesn’t show up for only five minutes. He makes every moment he’s on-screen COUNT. Also, did you guys hear that Jared Leto is teaching people how to remove blood stains? It totally doesn’t feel shady as it’s a knowledgeable and valuable skill. 

And Tyrese? Man, what a performance. It’s cool that we hear he’s a vet and that he lost his arm but was saved by Morbius’ artificial blood. Yet the filmmakers don’t show his new arm. I think that’s an ingenious way of “tell and don’t show”, which has evidently worked out in the past.

As I sit here reflecting on the final moments of the film, which are so fleshed out and not abrupt, I keep finding myself flashing back to this statement. A statement that will ring true from now until the test of time…

 But before we get to that, while I have you all here, may I interest you in joining Camp Mars 2022? First time since the pandemic, even Jared Leto will be there! Join us for a week of fun in the sun! More info can be found here!

(In all seriousness, Matt Smith is genuinely the only actor who remotely tries in this movie. He’s basically Vampire Patrick Bateman in this movie, and god bless him for it. 11/10 for trying).