Tag: Compare/Contrast

Hello, Gatecrashers! I’m Barrett and I’m about to mark the fuck out for AEW’s Fight For The Fallen! This event took place on July 13, 2019 at the now familiar Daily’s Place. Per Wikipedia “The company held the charity event to support victims of gun violence, with all gate receipts from the event being donated to these victims.” The charity aspect was directly in response to the Jacksonville Landing shooting at a video game tournament in 2018. This show was free in North America with the gate proceeds donated to charity.

Time for The Buy In! Watch it with me!

Bad: ALEX MARVEZ NOOOO

I figured out why Marvez doesn’t work for me. He’s Bizzaro-Michael Cole. Cole YELLS EVERYTHING HE SEES AT THE SAME VOLUME, SO EVERYTHING IS IMPORTANT SO NOTHING IS IMPORTANT. Marvez delivers everything like he’s on an international flight and  he’s trying not to wake up the person next to him. With Marvez it’s nothing is important so nothing is important.

Good: Sonny Kiss’ Entrance!

Mid: Kisshhhhhhh

Peter “The Librarian” Avalon and Sonny “The Limber-rarian” Kiss have a short inoffensive match. Sonny is stupid flexible and fast but them strikes are very weak. Avalon does some old school heel work, a lot of “SHUT UP”’s to the audience. “The Librarian” Leva Bates helps Sonny back into the ring like a nice person should, but then later distracts Sonny by showing him the cover of…  let me zoom in on the video… “Hello Sunshine” which is I guess related to “Sonny” or maybe Kiss just likes novels about Youtube cooking hosts who get doxxed.

Sonny Kiss is queer and nobody on commentary makes a bid deal out of it. There’s no face announcer Don West telling us that everything he does is gross or “why can’t he do that in the privacy of his own home?” It’s so refreshing to have announcers focus on Kiss’ wrestling instead of 20 year old TNA trying to gay panic me.

You can read about my feelings on The Librarian gimmicks in the two previous AEW columns.

Good: When Dustin Cuts a Promo

Cody and Dustin Rhodes (aka The Brotherhood) are interviewed by Jenn Sterger to hype up their match with the jerky Young Bucks. Cody is pretty measured, but Dustin goes BIG on his half of the interview. Best line: “I personally am going to powerslam you both SO HARD, your SOULS are going to LEAVE YOUR BODIES.” Cody fields a question about Sean Spears’ brutal ass chair attack a couple weeks ago at Fyter Fest.  Dustin drops a quick Goldust *chomp* at Jenn on the way out. Great stuff.

Good: Boring people vs WILD CHARACTERS

Generic Face Britt Baker and unused stack of copy paper Riho face off against the Big Beast Tokyo Joshi Pro Champion Shoko Nakajima and spoopy evil Stardom Champion Bea Priestly.  Shoko is dressed like a white wolf with full headpiece and tail.

Priestly looks like the Negative Universe Britt Baker here. They’re both tall, lanky, strong and all over the place in wrestling quality. Years ago a friend was telling me about a band he was in. He said the guitarist was a beginner and an expert at the same time. He could play basic chords or play high speed off time Dillinger Escape Plan-y stuff, but he didn’t know about how to build a song or how to discuss music. That’s kind of what Baker and especially Priestly are like. Some great moves mixed with the basics with a lot of fuck ups and dangerous mistakes between them.

At one point Baker goes to the wrong corner to tag Shoko and it’s great.

Shoko and Riho work SUPER great together. They’re about the same size, allowing them to do, like, POWER MOVES and SLUGFESTS along with a bunch of flippy shit.  It’s all very smooth and fun to watch.

The match is pretty hot from start to finish. Shoko reverses a hurricanara from Riho into a pin. After the match Baker and Priestly go at it. Their tag team partners pull them apart. 

Good/Bad: Closed Captioned for the Hearing Impaired and the Hearing Unimpaired

I forgot this was the PPV where the captions came on for some reason but they’re all fucked up.

Not to skip Kip here. He has a good promo about being an afterthought in the upcoming contest with Adam Page. Kip is a good promo and worker. It’s too bad he’s been lost in the shuffle since… this match.

The Buy In has been bought. Let’s get to the PPV!

Good: Everybody gets a story, everybody gets a payday

We got a six man tag featuring the mostly Young Guns of AEW. “Cody’s Other Brother” MJF, “No Panda Head BOOO” Sammy Guevara and “The Ch10r Man” Sean Spears vs. Darby Allin, Jimmy Havoc, and THE BAAAD BOY JOEY JANELLA! When The Dapper Yapper says “THE BAAAAD BOY” he sounds like he’s talking about a little kid who is naughty.

MJF has heat with Spears since Spears jumped BFF Cody at the last event. MJF is super pissed and definitely doesn’t want to be on the heel team but, you know, he’a fucking heel for life. He talks more shit to Spears than his actual opponents. “HEY SPEARS! TAKE NOTES! TAKE NOTES!” They steal tags from each other, they flip each other off, they steal taunts… it’s great. The audience can’t decide if they hate Spears of MJF more.

The story of this match is TENSION. Allin stares down Janella after a tag to Havoc instead of Allin. Allin is mad at Spears as well since he stole Allin’s moment after the draw vs. Cody at Fyter Fest. Havoc hates MJF because of course he does. Allin is driven crazy by Guevara’s arrogance.

Darby is reaping the benefits of the draw with Cody. The crowd is chanting for him and popping for all his big moves. AEW knew he was money from Day 1.

The match ends with Spears hitting the Death Valley Driver on Allin after Allin loses track of who the legal man is.

This is a great opener, getting eyes on the lower and midcard AEW talent while keeping the wrestlers healthy. We’re also getting a bit of character development and teases of possible future feuds. Right now AEW needs some stories. Great matches will only go so far into keeping people engaged.

Good: Brandi and Allie Build

There’s a video package for Brandi vs. Allie that is super good. Brandi expresses a lot of self doubt here and it’s very real.

Bad: Allie Out

Brandi shakes hands with Allie, but then Awesome Kong’s music hits while Brandi laughs. She’s the heel for the match which feels bad after the video package. Kong comes to ringside to MENACE and STARE.

The match isn’t very good. They stay away from the old WWE hair pulling spots, but their moves are awkward and sluggish. They lose the crowd pretty early and don’t get them back. Brandi wins with a BIONIC SPEAR. She has a surgically repaired clavicle so I guess her spear hurts more? Because of screws?

Brandi and Kong beat down Allie after the bell. AJA KONG STEPS OUT OF THE TUNNEL. IT’S A KONG STAREDOWN.

The refs break it up before things get too fucking amazing. Also the world breaks up this matchup before things got too fucking amazing. Awesome Kong was too injured to work any matches at this point and would soon be gone from AEW. We can’t have the nicest of things!

Good: Uno, Stu, Three Way Tag

It’s the first OFFICIAL appearance of The Dark Order in tag action. They do the “Creepers make a creepy throne” bit. The as yet unnamed Hybrid2, Jack Evans and Angelico, do some flips and breakdancing. The crowd pops when A Boy and His Dinosaur (Jungle Boy and Luchasaurus) come to the ring accompanied by Marko Stunt. The winner of this match gets a first round bye in the Tag Tournament. Mr. Saurus and Mr. Boy are definitely the most over here. The Dark Order and Evans/Angelico get respect claps for their work but nobody is losing their shit for anything they do. 

I notice that Jungle Boy has already dropped his “I was raised by wolves who were raised by apes” body language and silent act, which is for the best. Currently in late 2021, Jungle Boy is getting a character rehab in his feud with Adam Page. At this point he’s a tough wrestler who I guess likes jungles. Kind of like Kevin Steen and zoos. OH GIVE ME THAT TAG TEAM JUNGLE BOY AND KEVIN STEEN AND CALL THEM THE WORLD WILDLIFE FOUNDATION.

Luchasaurus is the true star of this match, at least for the audience. Everything he does gets a pop. He gets tons of chants. When I saw these early AEW shows I was convinced that he’d be in the main event picture, but a knee injury put him on the shelf and ate up some of his heat.

Luchasaurus and Jungle Boy have similar issues; they can’t be AEW singles champions with their current gimmicks. I think either would make great TNT or AEW Men’s World Champions with some continued tweaks for Mr. Boy and a complete revamp for Mr. Saurus.

Oh, yeah, I was talking about a match. It’s another good PWG style pre-intermission showcase. A couple of blown spots and the ref just letting Marko Stunt do flippy shit in the ring are small marks against a fun, if quiet, match. The Dark Order win with some great strategy, clearing the ring, working over a Boy and a Dinosaur with team moves before pinning Boy with the FATAL1TY. Their story was that they were ring generals but the announce team doesn’t pick that up.

Good: Meaningless Fun

Sabian vs. Page here. Unfortunately this feels like filler; Page is already booked for the AEW title match. Everything Sabian gains here is in the abstract; he’d look good for a future title shot if he gets a win over the Page if Page actually wins the title. Which, as we all knew in 2019, was inevitable seeing as how Page was in The Elite and OF COURSE they will put the belts on themselves as soon as possible!

It’s easy to forget how charismatic Sabian is. He’s shown sparks of it here and there but hasn’t had the opportunity to do anything since Gamer Miro. I know he’s currently working a post-modern Shia LaBeouf thing but until he shows up on Dynamite he’s going nowhere. The guy is too good to be relegated to WCW Alex Wright status.

The story of the match is hard-hitting but hamstring-injured Hangman vs. the speed of Sabian. Sabian has trouble pressing his advantage; Page keeps absorbing the attacks and laying Sabian out. Unfortunately this leads to a lot of slow back and forth for the middle stretch of the match. Even the sprint at the end is more like a jog. Page wins after reversing some… leg thing… into the Deadeye. Sabian takes Page to 19 minutes of a 20 minute time limit, but that isn’t enough to make it memorable or consequential. It’s a perfectly fine match but not a hidden gem by any stretch.

Good: WHO IS THAT MASKED MAN oh it’s jericho

Post match a fully clad blue eyed Creeper comes into the ring behind Page and jumps him, eventually connecting with a Codebreaker. OH EMM GEE IT’S CHRIS JERICHO!!! Page comes up bloody and eats a Judas Effect. Jericho flips off the audience and leaves.

Okay, I love this BUT. This is the second time that Jericho has shown up in an AEW-ish event and pulled the Mask Reveal bit. He did it at All In after Omega beat Penta by replacing Penta and then doing the beatdown on Omega, then pulling the mask off to reveal that BY GOD IT’S JERICHO! Now he does it again here… but in both cases I have to ask “why?”. What purpose does the mask serve? In neither case does it help him get the drop on anyone. He attacked Omega and Page while their backs were turned, so the mask is only there to disguise him from the audience. I’ll talk about AEW Mask Reveals more down the line.

My theory is that Chris Jericho the character is still bitter about the ol’ Malenko/Ciclope bit from Slamboree 98, but he still hasn’t figured out that the mask reveal wasn’t the important part, but that it was part of a longer strategy by Malenko to get another shot at Jericho. It’s all about the mask coming off, baby! Masks! Pull off a mask! What’s the point of a mask if not to pull it off and have people go OMG IS JERIMAN!!!

Good: Big Bad Beetle Bros

The Lucha Brothers face off against SCU: Skyzarian Configuration. We are in the “Penta is so fucking over” phase of The Lucha Brother’s career. Penta is such a badass here, taking no shit and giving no fucks. There’s a rare “face gets ejected from ringside” bit as The Lucha Bros beat up Daniels on the outside, only for Daniels to hit an Arabian Moonsault. That’s enough for Aubrey to send him away by referee-al decree.

J.R. is in full “old man yelling at spots” mode. “How many DDTs are we going to see here? Somethings gotta give, fellas!”

The match is tight all of the way through. Skyzarian look super strong here, even though they lose after getting hit with the Stomp Package Piledriver combo. Both teams deliver here. Definitely worth watching.

After the match The Bros grab a color scheme matching ladder, racking the returning Daniels and dumping the rest of SCU outside. Penta gets on the mic, tapping the rhythm of “Cero Miedo” while climbing to the top of the ladder with Rey. Rey says “What about a ladder match? The Young Bucks vs The Best Tag Team on the Planet, the Lucha Brothers! Chicago, All Out! The Best tag team on the planet, nahnahnah The Universe!” Well, fuck.

Bad: Kenny Omega is a fucking loser!

Kenny HAS YET TO WIN A SINGLES MATCH and they’re trying to tell me that if he doesn’t win soon he’ll be overlooked. Ludicrous storytelling.

Good: I hope you like Metoras

CIMA vs. Omega is a match that has taken place across thousands of Total Extreme Wrestling simulator seasons, but this was the first time they met in real life. It’s not quite a DREAM MATCH, more like a “Wouldn’t that be cool” match.

This match feel so unexpected. We knew both Cima and Omega were capable of just stellar matches. Both have at least one 5 star match from Meltzer. The only thing we needed to see was if they’re styles would mesh. Shockingly, they do!

There is real “All/New Japan Energy” here. The match has a measured pace, then they both target their opponents limbs, then lots of strikes, an extended section outside the ring, then spamming signature moves before teasing the finish.

For fans of long term storytelling: Kenny doesn’t show a ton of personality here, but halfway through the match he gets violent. He was jumped by Moxley at All Out, then returned the favor at Fyter Fest. Moxley is trying to infect Omega and it’s working. Kenny clears the timekeepers table and SURPRISE MOTHERFUCKER it doesn’t work out!

Kenny isn’t THERE yet. And, truly, the Omega that Moxley wanted, the vicious man who would do anything to win, doesn’t appear until the Deathmatch in March of 2021.

CIMA does as many Meteoras (see above) as Kenny does V-Triggers. Some people aren’t fans of Signature Spamming but I love it. Signatures don’t win matches; they set up finishers. Kenny knees people in the head over and over again so that the One Winged Angel hits that much harder.

They do one of those spots I love where an injury affects the match. Cima dropkicks Kenny into the ropes but his knee gives out when he tries to cross the ring, leaving him open to another V-Trigger.  Cima tries to counter and reverse intot pins, but it’s not enough. Kenny kicks out of a crucifix pin, Cima can’t stand up and eats another V-Trigger followed by a One-Winged Angel for the pin.

Great match that really feels like the transition from NJPW Omega to AEW Omega. The notes are the same, they’re just being played a bit differently.

Mid: A Red Mark(er) On Your Record

Jericho gets some mic time. He says he has Hangman Page’s blood on his hand, but it’s obviously Raspberry Red Scratch N Sniff Marker.

This is part of Jericho’s “Thank You Tour”, where he wants a thank you from AEW. The fans chant “Thank You” and he says “NOT FROM YOU!” He also calls Jacksonville “Jerksonville”, “Jackoffville.” and “The White Trash Rivera”. Not his best work.

He makes claims that all the successes of AEW are due to him, including the new TNT TV Show (“starting in October”). He said he was looking at the Casino (Battle) Royale from the last PPV and wondering who would be the winner, including a dig at “Brandon Cutler, the Young Bucks cabana boy.” SPEAKING IT INTO EXISTENCE.

Jericho says if he loses to Hangman it’s the beginning of the end of AEW and Jericho as well. He can’t accept that it’s the end, so he has to beat the hangman, has to beat the hangman, has to beat the hangman, has to beat the hangman, HAS TO BEAT THE HANGMAN!

Page runs out and lays a BEATIN’ on Jericho. First Ever TNA Tag Team Champion Jerry Lynn and some less adorned refs come out to break things up. Eventually the lower end of the locker room joins in. Peter Avalon gets a “SHHHH”… chant(?) as he holds Jericho back. 

The segment is whatever. Painmaker Jericho does his best to put over why he attacked Page, to give some personal heat on the match, but it’s not a super great promo. The “blood” is a symbol of the angle; it looks fake and it’s trying too hard. I think being the first AEW World Champion is all the heat the match needs.

Good: Stardust and Goldust vs. Generation Me

Technically Cody is still part of the Elite at this point, but in spirit he left the group at the end of All Out. Cody begins his alternate AEW timeline in this match. He lives in a parallel world where The Elite do not tread. The villains cross over but Cody hasn’t been seen alongside The Bucks in well over a year at this point (this point being December 2, 2021).

The Bucks have been acting like complete dickheads on BTE, making fun of the heartfelt moments from All Out. Instead Cody reaching out to his bloodied brother, Nick reaches out to a ketchup covered Matt. In this case the fake blood actually helped tell the story!

There’s a really nice sequence at the top of the match where Nick and Cody are going at it. They are both going for signature moves but their opponent is not there. It’s miss after miss after miss until Nick just BARELY misses a headkick to Cody and then gets in his face. It’s all a very effective way to show how well they know each other.

The Bucks figure that Dustin is the weak link in the match, so he spends a lot of time on defense. The Bucks work heel here, cutting off the ring, blocking the tags… I mean, #FTR all you want, but this is textbook southern heel work. 

Tides turn when Matt gets a shoulder injury. Cody and Dustin work him over. When Nick gets the hot tag he goes shit-nuts with kicks, knees and running clotheslines. Nick is so goddamn athletic. After this the ref just lets them all wrestle. Lots of mirror moves going on here; double flips, double Sharpshooters, double Figure Fours, double Power Slams, double RAM THE JEWELS.

EVEN MORE DOUBLE STUFF HERE! The Bucks fake the Double Superkick, then do the Rhodes’ drop down Uppercut, then the Brotherhood hit Double Superkicks, then eat Superkicks of their own! Nick hits CrossRhodes! MELTZER DRIVERRRRRR for the pin. Great tag match, watch it!

Excalibur: THAT IS IT!
Marvez: that is it…

After the match The Bucks make peace and they’re about to make things fully right with The Brotherhood, but then Kenny’s music hits. Matt says “We must be running out of time” and it’s true. Kenny, Jurassic Express, Shahid Khan, Brandi Rhodes and  Brian Hughes from the Jacksonville Mayor’s Office come down with a big ol $150k check for the Victim Assistance Advisory Council.

Cody mentions that there was “counterprogramming” for this event. I totally forgot that WWE put the Evolve 10th anniversary on the network against Fight For The Fallen. WWE’s history of counterprogramming failures will continue!

Kenny takes the mic and refocuses the event on the charity aspect. He changes his catch phrase for this event “I must bid you adieu, GOODBYE SMOOCH AND GOODNIGHT BOIIIIING!”

CONCLUSION

AEW hasn’t been around for too long, but this is their first forgotten show. Not much of consequence happens. It’s like a pre-season game except the teams are actually trying. The only real feud going in was Bucks/Brotherhood and that’s wrapped up after the main event. We get some unnecessary heat between Jericho and Page for the upcoming AEW men’s title match but it feels forced. You could easily skip from Fyter Fest to All Out and not feel like you missed anything.

Let’s compare and contrast with the third weekly TNA PPV from 2002!

Wrestling:

AEW again delivered. Sometimes all you need is good wrestlers in the ring together and just let ‘em fight. TNA’s Tag Tournament did not result in any bangers or even bongers, just blanders.

Story:
Neither company is doing well at this point. TNA just has a bunch of people with anger issues yelling at each other or bum rushing each other for no explicable reason. AEW is taking the saner approach; put the wrestling up front to cover for the lack of established relationships. The Jericho/Page build is more along the lines of TNA’s RAGE ARGUING but at least Jericho immediately explains why he jumped Page instead of what TNA is going to do; keep the reasons for acrimony secret for as long as possible because they don’t have a payoff. RUSSO!

No explicit movement with Moxley and Omega this go around. We aren’t sure why Brandi is being such a meanie but she’s sticking with it for another event!

Identity:

TNA has found it’s lowest common denominator lane and is sticking with it.

But what is AEW? Fight for the Fallen doesn’t answer any questions in that regard. It’s “wrestling first” but so was early Ring of Honor. The Code of Honor was a nice shortcut for good vs. bad and it felt like going to an underground hardcore show. AEW was slick and produced and had great action, but… were they ROH 2.0? New Japan? NXT? PWG with less jokes? It was hard to say. Getting Dynamite definitely helped transition the wrestlers into characters and the matches into storylines.

Audience Satisfaction:

AEW wins here again. The show ends with a great match, friends making up with each other, and a gift to charity. TNA wins with a pointless swerve and Jarrett beating Hall with a trophy. It’s barely a cliffhanger and nobody leaving that night could have felt super great on the way back to their car.

Best Matches
TNA
4 Way X Division Championship Match – TNA Weekly PPV 2

AEW
The Young Bucks vs. The Lucha Brothers for the AAA Tag Titles – Double or Nothing 2019
Cody Rhodes vs. Dustin Rhodes – Double or Nothing 2019

Kenny Omega vs. Chris Jericho – Double or Nothing 2019
The Elite vs. The Lucha Brothers and Laredo Kid – Fyter Fest 2019
Kenny Omega vs. CIMA – Fight for the Fallen 2019

Next week: TNA’s fourth weekly PPV, featuring GODDAMMIT THE DUPPS, The Flying Elvis Impersonators, Satanists, Norman Smiley, NASCAR MAN, Kid Romeo and the reason I tape traded for these first 8 TNA PPVS back in the day! WHO WAS THE WRESTLER THAT ROPED ME INTO BUYING THIS TRASH ON VHS? Join us next time to find out!

Hey, Gatecrashers! My name is Barrett and I’ll be reviewing the early years of TNA and compare/contrasting them with AEW. Please go check out my review of the 1st TNA weekly PPV, especially if you like some jerk dunking on 20 year old wrestling tropes.

It’s time for the Good/Bad/Mid of AEW Double or Nothing, May 25, 2019.

————————-

Prologue:

“In May 2017, professional wrestling journalist Dave Meltzer made a comment that the American professional wrestling promotion Ring of Honor could not sell 10,000 tickets for a wrestling event. The comment was responded to by professional wrestlers Cody Rhodes and The Young Bucks… They promoted and held an independent professional wrestling event called All In in September 2018, featuring wrestlers from ROH as well as other promotions. The event sold out in 30 minutes and had the largest audience in attendance for a professional wrestling show in the United States held and organized by promoters not affiliated with WWE or World Championship Wrestling (WCW) since 1993. The event was acclaimed, and it led to much online speculation that Cody and The Young Bucks would expand their ambitions and create their own professional wrestling promotion or do a second All In event. People in the television industry were also very impressed with the show.”

Wikipedia – All In (Professional Wrestling Event

All In kicked ass. Great card with no stinker matches. I’ll cover it down the line.

All In made such an impact that Tony Khan, son of billionaire Shahid Khan (part owner of The Jacksonville Jaguars and Fulham F.C.), got together with Cody, Omega and The Bucks to start a brand new wrestling company: All Elite Wrestling. The four Elite members were signed as wrestlers and executives in the organization.

There were a couple of press conferences announcing signees such as SoCal Uncensored , “Hangman” Adam Page, Britt Baker, Joey Janela, Pac, The Lucha Brothers, The Best Friends and the biggest catch of them all, Chris Jericho.

The second press conference announced the date of the first official AEW PPV, aptly titled Double or Nothing. All In was a huge gamble and it paid off, but now it was time to push the chips back in and bet on this new venture.

—————-

DOUBLE OR NOTHING REVIEW STARTS NOW!

BAD: Alex Marvezzzzzzzzzz

Alex Marvez is incredibly frustrating on this show. He’s nowhere near as offensive as PrEDator Ferrara, mind you. Marvez is just not ready for this. Whoever put him behind the desk as a color commentator made a huge mistake. His first moments on camera you can see him mouthing along with Excalibur like a kid in an elementary production of “Cinderella”. His color commentary is a lot of insight-less stuttering and dead air.

He seems like a sweet fella.

MID: The Rules to the Casino (Battle) Royale

I have seen a bunch of Casino (Battle) Royales since this show and I still don’t understand how it works. The Gauntlet for the Gold rules are so much simpler than this.  There are suits and groups and… buh. Also, we’re supposed to believe that the person who draws the Joker is always some huge surprise? Bleh.

Good: The Match I Just Trashed

The first “Clubs” of wrestlers is:

• Dustin Thomas, a bilateral amputee
• Malcom Jacob Freidman
• Sunny Daze, indie wrestler and DDPY video editor
• Brandon Cutler, wrestler, cameraman and huge nerd
• Michael Naka-Naka-NAKAZAWA!

There are 3 good IRL stories here. Cutler was a good friend of The Bucks and came up with them in the indies. He quit wrestling ostensibly to take care of his family, but it really seems like he didn’t think he was good enough. The Bucks hired him for backstage work and then surprised him with an AEW contract on BTE. Very touching.

Sunny Daze, who I guess is an egg that turned into a man and then went mad with self-realization, was another invite. He had an in with being an employee of Diamond Dallas Page, but seeing how his hometown crowd reacted to his invite was very touching. They chanted “You deserve it” and they really meant it.

Dustin Thomas became a wrestler because he dedicated his life to it and he earned this spot. He’s still working in the indies.

When the bell rings, OF COURSE MJF immediately stomps on Dustin, yelling “SORRY ABOUT THAT LIEUTENANT DAN!” When people say that MJF has finally gone too far, remember this moment. He lives his life on the wrong side of the line.

MJF and Cutler were having a mini-feud on Twitter prior to the PPV. “YOU’RE JUST A FAVOR FOR THE YOUNG BUCKS! YOU’RE NOBODY!” MJF hollers, not knowing how over Young Boy Cutler would be in 2021.

Naka covers himself in oil, giving Sunny Daze an even cooking surface so he doesn’t stick to the pan.

The Diamond Mine.. er, the Diamonds enter next.

• Brian Pillman Jr, looking like a time travelling Freebird.
• Isaiah Cassidy, the second most over Cassidy in AEW.
• Jimmy Havoc, who was released after his ex-girlfriend exposed him as an emotional abuser with alcohol addiction issues. AEW made sure he got some mental help before letting him go.
• The BAAAD BOYYYY, Joey Janella with The BAAAD GIRRRL Penelope Ford. He’s so over here but his career lost steam after he became an AEW regular.
• Shawn Spears, who is ALSO wicked over, gets the “10” chants and a huge pop when he takes off his head towel scarf thingy. Crazy to think how fast the shine came off that bloom.

The Hearts!

• Silly” Billy Gunn!
• “The World’s Coldest Math Teacher” Glacier!
• “Jim Ross Will Call Him ‘Jungle Jack Perry’” Jungle Boy!
• “Marqy Marq” Marquen!
• “The ACEY of Hearts” Acey Romero!

Spades. I’m out of bits.

• Luchasaurus
• Marko Stunt
• Sonny Kiss
• Tommy Dreamer

So… it’s a battle royale. I like battle royales a lot, but there’s only so much you can say about them. There are some fun moments. MJF taunts pretty much everyone that gets in the ring, and then eats their signature moves. Rise, repeat. Great stuff. Janella smokes a ciggy, then Havok staples it to Joey’s forehead. Glacier freeze mists Sunny Daze, causing his blood to run cold. Brian Pillman Jr. with a nice looking springboard clothesline. ACEY ROMERO WITH A FUCKING TOPE SUICIDA.

JOKER IS ADAM PAGE AND HE GETS A BIG POP WHAT GOES AROUND COMES ARROUUUUUNNNDDD!!!!

Page wrecks shop when he gets through the ropes. There are still a bunch of people in the ring. Janella and Page have a history from All In so they trade blows in the center of the ring. Acey POUUUUUNCEes Marko over the top rope onto Private Party.

Dustin Thomas hits a 619 on Janella and then this crazy 450 pull up… just look at the gif.

Janella takes a scary chokeslam from the ring to the floor through a table. Sonny Kiss shows the Hardcore Legend the Butt Butt. Orange Cassidy wanders into the ring, hits Sweet Shin Music on Tommy Dreamer and then gets eliminated from a match he wasn’t even in.

Page appears to have won after “low bridging” Luchasaurus but MJF, who snuck under the bottom rope like a sneaky sneak, sneaks back in the ring and sneakily throws Page over the top. Page skins the cat, buckshot lariat, MJF over the top. PAGE WINS THE CASINO (Battle) ROYALE TO FACE OFF AGAINST SOMEONE FOR THE AEW CHAMPIONSHIP AND HE DEFINITELY WILL WIN BECAUSE HE’S IN THE ELITE AND THEY ARE ALL GOING TO GET THE TITLES RIGHT AWAAAAYYYYYY!!!!

Alex Marvez calls the whole thing like a golf match. “Wow. That was quite the move from Page.”

Mid: SHHHHHHHHHHHHhhhhutup

Kylie Rae gets an interview segment with Alcia Atout and, god, she’s just so fucking bubbly. Then “The Librarian” Peter Avalon sssshhhhhhes the women to be quiet. Leva Bates “The Librarian” shusshes Peter and then they shush each other while Kylie struggles to keep a smile on her face.

I don’t think I can Bad a segment with Kylie in it. The Librarians will continue to shush people for a long time. Leva hasn’t officially dropped the gimmick. The bit was that AEW is making fun of bad gimmicks but if it’s a bad gimmick then don’t saddle someone with it for 2 years.

Kylie ended up leaving AEW due to mental health issues. I know what it’s like to appear happy and smile when I’m around people or performing, but then to fall into depression as soon as I am alone. Kylie retired in 2019 but she has recently returned to wrestling. I hope she’s happy!

GREAT: SAMMY PANDA HEAD

Good: Twinsies!

Sammy Guevara faces “Superbad” Kip Sabian. They have similar looks, similar wrestling styles and similar asshole cocky heel behavior. Sammy morphs into the heel; he does more taunts, and is generally more of a dick. What really makes the match work is that it’s “really good wrestling”. The audience doesn’t know these two. They get the crowd into the match by, shocker, wrestling. They play their roles, they hit their moves, they tell a story, and they do a bunch of super impressive high flying. It’s two equals proving who is better through pure wrestling.

Scary indie wrestling moment of the match:

Match ends with Sabian getting the knees up on Guevara’s unreal 630 splash then hitting the Deathly Hallows for the pin.

Good: “This is the worst column I have ever been in!”

It’s hard to go wrong with SCU (Christopher Danlies, Kazarian, Scorpio Sky) vs. OWE’s Stronghearts (CIMA, El Lindaman, T-Hawk), two veteran teams who know how to work and work a crowd. They set the pace instead of trying to steal the show. This match isn’t Do Fixer vs. Blood Generation good, but CIMA has barely lost a step in the intervening 13 years. It’d be nearly impossible for these six competitors to have a bad match. They have to TRY and fuck up, and even then it’d still be better than any Dupps match.

The last two minutes are shnertz and impossible to sum up. The finish is Kaz and Daniels hitting the BEST MELTZER EVER, which is a twisting moonsault to assist into a piledriver. Great opener to the main card.

Please give me John Silver vs. El Lindaman! Squat meaty men slapping squat meat!

BAD: Marvelous Marvez Moment

Alex Marvez: Excalibur, a NINE HOUR time difference between here and China. I was talking to–

JR: More than that.

Marvez:  (sputtering) Well, I mean–

Excalibur: (Talks over Marvez to get him to shut up)

Later Marvez says that Kaz, Daniels and Scorpio are finding their way as a team RIGHT AFTER EXCALIBUR SAID HOW DANIELS AND KAZ WERE IN THE ADDICTION FOR YEARS.

Good: AAAAAWWEEESOMMMMEEEE KONG.

Kylie Rae vs. Nyla Rose vs. Britt Baker are scheduled for the first women’s match in AEW history. Before the match starts, Brandi Rhodes interrupts from the ramp. She’s in her FULL GEAR, teasing that she’s inserting herself into the contest. BUT IT’S A FUCKING FAKEOUT HERE COMES AWESOME KOOOOOOONGGGG!!!!!!!!!!! The crowd goes unglued for the first big surprise of the show.

After everyone in the ring stops praying to God for mercy, the match starts.

Kylie is the best overall wrestler in the match. She works crisp and sells strong. On top of that she has a great, identifiable character. If you liked NXT Baley, then you’d love Kylie.

Kong works super stiff and bumps throughout the match. This is even more impressive since she hadn’t worked in a while and had a serious back injury. The moments when Nyla and Kong match up are pretty special. You don’t get a “hoss fight” on the women’s side very often.

Baker looks good in this match, but it’d be a while before she really came together in the ring and as a character.

There’s very little of the “two people out of the ring, two people in the ring” until the end. Nyla speared Kong into the stairs, brains herself and neither of them make it back inside the ropes. At the end of the match Kylie gets 2 countering an O’connor Roll into a DEADLIFT EVEREST GERMAN, but takes her eye off the ball for a moment, allowing Britt to Superkick and Ushigoroshi for the pin.

It’s a shame that Kylie Rae wasn’t able to stay with AEW. A lot of the complaints about how shallow the women’s division was would have been squashed with her around. I would have loved to see her vs Thunder Rosa in an AEW ring.

GOOD: A Hidden Gem

Best Friends vs. The Hybrid2 in an EXTREMELY good, fun match. I’m running out of hyperbole for this PPV. To be honest, the Best Friends look outclassed in this match. They’re still great, don’t get me wrong, but Angelico and Evans are just so slick, making their complicated high flying look easy. Evans is still using the same offense he did in 2004 but crisper and safer. 

The finish is a Doomsday Sexy Chuckie Knee followed by an assisted Stump Tag Team Crusher from The Best Friends.

The crowd was HOT for the last half of this match, giving it the ol’ “This is awesome!” chant. Put these teams in a best of 7 series for 2022!

Bonus GOOD for this match: Trent’s Bill Murray kneepad. 

BAD: “WHO ARE YOU?”

An excerpt from my first Gatecrashers Article “History of the Dark Order”

“The Best Friends were facing off against The Hybrid2 at the inaugural AEW PPV, Double or Nothing. The Best Friends picked up the win after 25 minutes of intense action. The two teams met in the center of the ring in a moment of respect. Jack Evans and Angelico were happy to shake hands and move on, but the Kings of Hug Style weren’t leaving until hugs were had by all. Just as the teams embraced, the lights went out.

The announcers were confused. They guessed the blackout was due to the lack of experience by a fresh tech crew.

The lights came back, revealing a bald warrior and a hulking masked man standing in between The Hybrid2 and The Best Friends. The lights went to full black again.

When the lights came on this time, the ring was surrounded by men in black and green masks. The grunts yanked Chuck and Angelico to the floor, allowing the bald man and his masked associate to beat down Trent? and Jack Evans. A beat down ensued, the Hybrid2 and The Best Friends eating finisher after finisher.

Perhaps unsurprisingly, the crowd started to turn, chanting “WHO ARE YOU? WHO ARE YOU?” while Trent? ate a tag team finishing move. Only a smattering of boos were heard as the hulking man sat on a throne formed by his henchmen’s own bodies.

Despite Stu and Uno’s best efforts, the Dark Order was born into confusion and apathy.”

So it didn’t go well is what I’m saying.

GOOD (but just barely): AAAAAWWEEESOMMMMEEEE. KONG.

6 Woman Tag! Team 1 is Riho, Ryo Mizunami and Shida. Riho comes out with all the personality of a stick of margarine. Mizunami makes up for the charisma sink that is Riho by doing EVERYTHING; dyed red hair, wild gear, sunglasses indoors, yelling and posing. Shida can’t hold a candle to Ryo’s energy but she looks like CM Punk next to Riho.

Team 2 is Yuka Sakizaki, Emi Sakura and Aja Kong. A MAGICAL GIRL, a genderbent Freddy Mercury, and a gum-chewing Kaiju with a trash bin. This team makes no sense.

The big problem with this match is it feels like an exhibition. It’s not to say the women in this match aren’t good, they are, but nothing feels like it means anything. There’s no heels or faces. It’s pretty much a soccer “friendly” if the match had Jack Lambert working midfield. Aja Kong is Lambert for this metaphor. Jack Lambert was a linebacker with no teeth who hated quarterbacks.

Aja gets good pops, but they are, like, respect pops. It’s obvious her knees are shot. A lot of the match consists of folks jumping at her so she can drop them on their heads or punch their teeth out. She’s literally 3 times heavier than Riho. Kong treats her like a labrador with a rubber ball. It’s entertaining in it’s own way.

Emi Sakura is the only one working a heel style, but she’s dressed as Freddy Mercury, who is as pure an IRL face as you could ever have. She gets the crowd to stomp and clap the rhythm to “We Will Rock You”, which causes the hard came to literally shake.

BUT THEN THE END GETS BOTCHED! Emi hits a moonsault on Shida, gets two but the bell rings and then Shida’s music plays WHOOPS YOU FUCKED UP.

The actual finish is Kong accidentally backfisting Emi in the face, causing her brain to fly out of her ear. Shida clips Emi with the Ōhōri no Tamashii for the three count.

A good popcorn match in that it feels like eating popcorn. Good but not memorable.

GOOD/BAD: TNT WE KNOW DRAMA

This is so fucking great but also so fucking corny but also so great but also so… fucking… Cody. The crowd EATS IT UP.

GREAT: Brothers don’t shake hands. Brothers gotta hug!

There’s a lot of meta setup in this match. IRL brothers Cody and Dustin were teased to face off multiple times in the WWE but it never worked out. They finally had a match at Fastlane in 2015. By this point Stardust (Cody) had become a shitty version of the 1966 Riddler in a Rockstar Energy Drink costume. Golddust (Dustin) was wrestling his brother to… get him to stop being Stardust? I guess? They got about 9 minutes and then Goldust won with a crucifix pin. The ref screwed up the count so the finish didn’t even look right. BOO BAD MATCH.

As far as the AEW build goes… it’s MUCH  better! Brother vs. Brother! Nightmare vs. Natural! Generation vs. Generation! The video packages are stellar. Dustin sheds himself of Golddust creating a new face paint of red and black to merge The Bizarre One with The Natural. Cody, on the other hand, is looking to take Dustin out of the game for his own good. Cody is the hero and the villain, the young gunslinger looking to retire the old broken down old sheriff.

ADDITIONALLY, these are both second generation wrestlers, the sons of the great Dusty Rhodes. Dusty passed away about 4 years before Double or Nothing. His legacy weighs heavily on the ring.

So there’s all that. And they. Use. All. Of. It.

Dustin is on fire in this match. He pulls off moves we haven’t seen him do before. He does a rolling senton off the apron! He also gets in his hits; powerslam, uppercut from the mat, rackin’ someone in the jewels.

Cody entered as the most over face in AEW, but he tweens and heels as the match goes on. He taunts, he powders, he drop toe holds Dustin into the exposed turnbuckle busting Dustin open, he WIPES HIS BROTHER’S BLOOD ON HIS CHEST.

Once Dustin starts bleeding things get… uncomfortable. He ends up with a full face of red, half from his paint, half from the blood. The audience goes quiet as his blood stains the mat. Cody looks at the splotches of blood on the canvas. You can see a moment of doubt on his face. “What am I doing?”

Excalibur calls it a “WATERFALL OF BLOOD” which sounds like a song from Metalocalypse.

Cody kicks the shit out of bloody brother until the eventual comeback which involves this moment I blocked out.

Dustin gets his revenge, hitting a superplex and a CROSS RHODES but only gets two. The crowd is on their feet. I can’t describe how good and engaging this match is. Cody hits the DISASTER KICK into CROSS RHODES for two! Cody is COVERED his Dustin’s blood.

Dustin hits ANOTHER CROSS RHODES for two! People in the audience are making prayer hands. They clubber and throw each other around. Cody hits a VERTEBREAKER followed by CROSS RHODES for the finish.

Dustin starts unlacing his boots in the center of the ring. This goes by pretty quick, but if you’re a wrestling fan you know that when someone leaves their boots in the ring, they’re leaving the business. Cody re-enters and Dustin backs into the corner. Dustin is visibly crying. Cody takes the mic.

“You don’t get to retire here. You don’t get that. Cuz I gotta ask you a favor. In front of God and the whole world. Before AEW was a thing, before we filled this place up, it was me, it was Kenny, it was Matt, it was Nick, it was Tony. And I put my name on a piece of paper for our show next month in Jacksonville for “Fight for the Fallen”. And you know what the match I put my name down on? It was myself and a partner of my choosing against what I think is the best tag team in the world, the Young Bucks. But Dustin, I don’t need a partner. I don’t need a friend. I need my older brother.”

They cry. They hug.They bleed.

——

I also cry! FUCK MAN.

EVERYBODY thought this was Dustin’s last match. Dustin gave a blood sacrifice to wrestling that day, the same blood sacrifice his father gave over and over. Instead of this being his final ritual, it signaled another re-birth for the Rhodes that everyone had given up on, the Rhodes that had given up on himself. And now, two years later, he’s still in the ring and running his own school for the next generation who grew up watching Cody and Dustin and Dusty. 

Good: A Big Belt, a bigger asshole.

The audience DEFINITELY needed a break after Cody/Dustin. What better way to switch things up then to give them A BIG BELT and A BIG BRET HART. Bret introduces the AEW World Title, which I think is a fucking rad looking belt. It’s a mix between WCW’s Big Gold and the IWGP Heavyweight Belt before New Japan made it look like a gaudy X-Wing.

“Hangman” Adam Page, who, as we ALLLL know, becomes first AEW Champion, joins Bret in the ring. But then that sneaky sneak MJF does not sneak out but instead just walks to the ramp. Before he even starts talking the audience shouts “ASSHOLE”. Excalibur says “They’re giving him an anatomy lesson.”

MJF says “LOOK OUT BRET THERE’S A FAN IN THE RING”, referencing the recent WWE Hall of Fame ceremony when a fan jumped Bret and then got the shit kicked out of him by The Revival.

MJFs whole promo here is stellar. He’s just so clever and cutting. I’d hire MJF to sit in my office in the winter because he’s a HEAT MACHINE. Bret Hart can barely stop himself from smiling when he’s getting roasted. Jungle Boy, Jimmy Havoc, and Page surround MJF and beat the hell out of him. It’s great! Take that, jerk!

GREAT: Bucks vs. Lucha Bros for the AAA Tag Team Titles

Quick backstory: The Bros jumped the bros at an AEW press conference. The Bucks then beat the other bros for the AAA Tag belts. Now they fight!

The Lucha Brothers entrance gear is, of course, fire. They look like hella evil hardcore kids.

The Young Bucks pay tribute to TNA’s famous Flying Elvis Impersonators from my first review.

What a shock, The Lucha Brothers and The Young Bucks have a fantastic match. It’s masterful work. These teams mesh in a very special way. If you are a Bucks hater, I don’t know what to tell you. Maybe imagine it’s a different team that you don’t have a preconception of. A team like, I don’t know… Generation Me. Maybe that’ll help you appreciate this pure gooooooold!

I’d like to pick my favorite moments from this match but it’s not a match of moments. It’s a match of flow, of non-stop storytelling, of TACTICS. So saying “This crusher was unreal” or “The counter to the Driver blew my mind” doesn’t make sense. Like a good movie, you need context for the beautiful shots and compelling plot.

ANYWAY, they kick the shit out of each other in a myriad of ways. 

The Bucks win with a MELTZER DRIVER and retain the AAA titles.

Five stars. FIVE “FIVE STARS” STARS.

GOOD: Chris Jerk-io vs Kenny No-Win-a

THE MAAAAAIN EVENT! These two tore it up in New Japan about a year before. Jericho was on a world tour to prove he’s the best by attempting to Bruiser Brody his way through the top stars of NJPW. Omega, then IWGP World Heavyweight Champion, defeated Jericho in a brutal No DQ brawl. Jericho beat the crap out of Kenny and is looking to do it again.

Jericho’s entrance is SO AWESOME. He has body doubles pose as different Jericho eras. Jericheras? 

Judas plays and nobody knows the words and it’s… pretty weird?

Kenny enters as NJPW Kenny Omega

This match mirrors their NJPW bout at the start. Jericho and Kenny throw each other around on the outside. Kenny leaps on the barrier for a springboard moonsault, gets caught by Jericho who pushes him into the front row. Jericho grabs a camera and starts filming Omega. You can set up a fun Disney 4D experience by spraying water in your face right when Kenny spits a drink into the camera lens.

Somewhere in all this Kenny gets popped in the nose and bleeds through the rest of the contest.

Jericho pulls a table out from under the ring, eats a baseball slide into the table, then Omega diving onto the table onto Jericho, then Omega drops the table on Jericho, then springboard double stops the table. I haven’t seen a table get abused this much since I tried to teach myself SQL.

Kenny takes over after turning Jericho into a piece of used gum. Lots of crisp Omega offense. Jericho counters his way out of disaster more than once. Jericho shows Kenny what the top of the table looks like by tossing him through it. Jericho again “Bruiser Brody”’s himself into control of the match. Jericho counters an Omega leap into a Codebreaker for a two count.

Another slick counter by Jericho; Kenny goes for the V-Trigger into the ropes. Jericho absorbs it, grabs the ankle and then turns it into a Walls of Jericho and then a legit Liontamer. There’s an awkward DDT reversal from Jericho to Kenny but they are both professional enough to know that KENNY should go for the pin based on what happened before the fuck up. They come back around to it later and nail it. Kenny sells the codebreaker like he’s got a slinky for a spine.

Jericho hits The Judas Effect for the FIRST TIME EVER and takes the win in a stellar rematch.

Another monster match here for Double or Nothing. Maybe it shouldn’t have been the main event considering how epic Cody/Dustin and Bucks/Lucha Brothers were. There’s no way to predict that kind of thing though.

GREAT: ALL FUCKING IN

Jericho does some masterful heel work after the bell. He shits on the fans, and insists that AEW exists because of him. “Chris Jericho is AEW. This is not a company for the fans. This is a company for me.” FUCK THAT’S SO GOOD. He demands a thank you AND THEN FUCKING JON FUCKING MOXLEY RUSHES IN THROUGH THE STANDS AND ROLLS INTO THE RING! THE CROWD GOES MENTAL!

Jericho berates Mox and gets a PARADIGM SHIFT!!! The ref also learns that THE PARADIGM IS NOT THE SAME AS IT WAS!!! Mox is eating this up. He looks like a new era Stone Cold here. Mox pulls up Kenny for another Paradigm Shift, but Kenny fights back. They tumble out of the ring, then fight through the crowd, up to the top of the giant stack of poker chips by the stage. DEATH RIDER OR WHATEVER ON TO THE CHIPS! MOX THROWS KENNY OFF THE STACK TO THE STAGE BELOW!!!!

FADE TO BLACK THE END WOWOWOWOWOW

Conclusion: It’s pretty much a perfect first PPV. AEW had a lot of pluses that most new companies don’t; money, a built in fan base, money, knowing what pitfalls to avoid, money, established stars, money, top tier production and money. It’s a show for wrestling fans by wrestling fans.

So let’s finally, FINALLY Compare/Contrast with TNA PPV #1!

IDENTITY

Per the “My World” podcast Jarrett wanted to make sure there was something for everyone in TNA, so he made sure the show had a variety of acts without considering IF THEY WERE WORTH HAVING. TNA tried to appeal to everyone in some misguided belief that if you hit all those demographics they will keep coming back. The problem is it robs the product of an identity. It’s everything and it’s nothing. It’s like making a stew using one ingredient from every aisle in a supermarket, like a demented Guy’s Grocery Games.

AEW made sure that there was something for everyone, as long as that something was WRESTLING. Singles matches, battle royale, tag matches, trios matches, legends, surprises and more. Anything that wasn’t directly happening in the ring was kept pretty short or played to the drama of the next match. Highly produced video packages instead of long promos. Comedy bits that don’t wear out their welcome. No matches created only for cringe humor. Women who wrestle instead of appealing to the non existent “I only watch wrestling for the hot chicks” demographic.

GIMMICKS

The first match for TNA was a trios match between AJ Styles, Low Ki, and Jerry Lynn vs. The Flying Elvis Impersonators (Jorge Estrada, Sonny Siaki, Jimmy Yang). The first match of the Double or Nothing main card was a trios match between SCU and The Stronghearts.

Again, on the “My World” podcast, Jarrett wanted these unknowns to have gimmicks. So he dressed up three guys in “Halloween Spirit Overstock” Elvis costumes. Styles, Ki and Lynn were three mismatched dudes with six packs.

SCU came in with a built-in gimmick of… hating cities, I guess… but the Stronghearts didn’t have any gimmick other than “they are Japanese wrestlers who work in China”.

Here’s the thing I didn’t cover in my TNA review; everybody in that trios match got pops in their 8 minute spotfest. They got pops for THE COOL MOVES and SINGULAR CHARACTER MOMENTS. As soon as Ki booted an Elvis in the torso, everybody knew everything they needed to know about him; intense kickman hate chests, is intense. Same for when AJ hit a dive or Jerry did a suplex. The Elvis’ did flashy offense but got muted, confused responses. What does doing a standing flip leg drop have to do with dressing like The King? What are we watching?

AEW didn’t try to do that. Everybody in SCU is an individual and you can tell that from the moment they enter. Same themed gear, but they all talk, walk, and act differently. And The Stronghearts come in with even less continuity. So what gets them over with the audience? Great fucking wrestling. I didn’t know who El Lindaman was when I saw this show, but I did afterward. The WRESTLERS become interesting in large part due to their WRESTLING. Having a gimmick just to have a gimmick is what leads to Mantaur, Bastion Booger and Glacier.

This is true of pretty much the whole AEW show. The only dumb gimmicks were to make fun of dumb gimmicks. Nobody had to dress like a wang to “get over”. Especially since Joey Ryan wasn’t there. THANK GOD FUCK JOEY RYAN

WRESTLING

It’s very unfair to “apples to apples” 2002 TNA and 2019 AEW. TNA had some good talent in the first show but they weren’t big names yet so they jerked the curtain or worked the mid card. TNA figured out pretty quickly that AJ Styles was their ace though.

AEW had 3 of the best wrestlers in the world as executive vice presidents and another who was very good and a great storyteller. On top of the EVPs, they had dozens of wrestlers you could build a small to large promotion around. TNA didn’t have that. They had Jeff Jarrett, Ken Shamrock and Scott Hall.

That being said… in spite of its name, TNA is a wrestling show. If you have to cut stuff for time, maybe don’t cut the wrestling? I’m not EXCITED about a Dupps match, but I’d take 8 more minutes of Bo Dupp jumping 6 feet in the air while sniffing his butthole than a set up for a women’s lingerie match that was happening NEXT WEEK.

CONTENT

AEW showed wrestlers wrestling. All other aspects of their personality were secondary to their desire to be the best wrestler possible. They didn’t change their gimmicks, they didn’t dunk on them, they didn’t fall into lazy racist tropes and they didn’t tell you that one gender was solely there for you to look at. They had wrestlers wrestling.

Every woman’s appearance in TNA was to be ogled or belittled. Straight wrestlers were dressed up as gay stereotypes solely to infurate the audience. Wrestlers were dressed up as dicks in hopes that it’d get some reaction. A black man was told to get “his kind” to wrestle a white man’s “my kind”.

Here’s the thing you have to keep in mind. This wasn’t edgy content or “owning the libs”. This was just good ol’ bookin’, guaranteed to get heat on folks and pops when the gay/poc/woman gets her comeuppance.

Here’s the thing; TNA wasn’t a house show. This was supposed to appeal to more than the Huntsville audience. A lot of America had moved on from this kind of lazy storytelling. Gay characters weren’t just the villian or the victim anymore, they were the best friend of the hero! 

Okay, there was still a lot more work to do but it was definitely an improvement.

And this is where Jarrett’s “something for everyone” philosophy falls apart. There wasn’t something for everyone. There was something for every straight cis white male. Little People to laugh at. Gays to be afraid of. Black men to be mad at. Women to leer at. Big strong white men to be emulated.

I was wrong, it wasn’t a stew using one ingredient from every aisle in a supermarket. It’s a stew using tainted ingredients.. A stew of toxic masculinity.

——————————————————-

And not to say that AEW is perfect, but they were and still are doing their best. Sonny Kiss was never called out as being gross when they performed the “Butt Butt” on Tommy Dreamer. Nobody said they were disgusting and should keep that stuff behind closed doors. None of the announcers told you to look at this body part of Britt Baker or slut shamed Shida.

Here’s an example of AEW doing more: they made it “sensory inclusive” so those that have issues with loud noises and bright lights could have a space to go where they could still watch the show with less intensity. They had noise-cancelling ear covers to mute the explosions. Nobody would have known if they hadn’t done it. It cut into profits but it was the right thing to do.

If wrestling should have something for everyone, then it should be for everyone.

——————————————————-

WOW THAT WAS HEAVY

Next column, TNA PPV #2,  June 26, 2002 in Huntsville, Alabama! I swear it won’t be 6000 words.

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Barrett Tribe is a writer and comedian based out of Austin TX. All opinions and errors in this article are his, so don’t blame Gatecrashers. Follow Barrett on Twitter @bdottribe.